Golf vs. Marriage - The Dilemma
I've been married 3X, so I was the wrong guy to ask 10 years ago. That's my last explosion of a marriage.
But I've been to re-education camp for several years.
if you are not seriously involved in that annual gala, I'd go with Nate's advice.
If she said "just go," that is a ruh-rho. But if she knows that trip is set in stone, what can she say other than sleep on the couch - been there, done that, not too bad - just have a tv and porn
Good thoughts. But if you can, stay off the sofa. It leads to divorce. I should know.
But I've been to re-education camp for several years.
if you are not seriously involved in that annual gala, I'd go with Nate's advice.
If she said "just go," that is a ruh-rho. But if she knows that trip is set in stone, what can she say other than sleep on the couch - been there, done that, not too bad - just have a tv and porn
Good thoughts. But if you can, stay off the sofa. It leads to divorce. I should know.
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I do not think it is a trap at all. Annual golf trip vs a one night event.
Sure it would be good for you if you went to the gala...... but I honestly do not think the wife is setting you up.
If she says go on the trip, go on the trip.
Sure it would be good for you if you went to the gala...... but I honestly do not think the wife is setting you up.
If she says go on the trip, go on the trip.
Probably not a trap, she knows your trip is the same weekend every year and there will always be another gala next year
Either way, definitely go to the trip
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Either way, definitely go to the trip
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jhtr20
Well-known member
And I thought you were an accountant!! But Dr McLovin is in the house. I'll have to agree with you, unless the OP wants a long dry spell.
Mr Moke
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This is the right answer. I’m a man I don’t understand tone, key words and nuance.
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One man's trap is another man's opportunity.
Mark, you've been to these fundraisers before. What's your involvement? If she lacks the volunteers to pull this off. If it's a big deal if you aren't there to show support to her. If she needs you to help her from going crazy by making sure she eats and rests enough to get through what is a chaotic weekend for her. You, my man, have an opportunity to show your love for your wife in a way that will mean the world to her.
On the other hand, if the fundraiser is what she needs to totally focus upon and you'll just be in the way, your absence could actually be a blessing. But don't just head off with the guys without first arranging for a spa day for her after the fundraiser, or perhaps the timing is such that you go home a day ahead of time to take care of your wife right after the fundraiser.
As a happily married guy of 41 years and counting who also loves this game, I'm telling you this is a major opportunity to show your wife how much she means to you. Make the most of it. You will NEVER regret it.
Mark, you've been to these fundraisers before. What's your involvement? If she lacks the volunteers to pull this off. If it's a big deal if you aren't there to show support to her. If she needs you to help her from going crazy by making sure she eats and rests enough to get through what is a chaotic weekend for her. You, my man, have an opportunity to show your love for your wife in a way that will mean the world to her.
On the other hand, if the fundraiser is what she needs to totally focus upon and you'll just be in the way, your absence could actually be a blessing. But don't just head off with the guys without first arranging for a spa day for her after the fundraiser, or perhaps the timing is such that you go home a day ahead of time to take care of your wife right after the fundraiser.
As a happily married guy of 41 years and counting who also loves this game, I'm telling you this is a major opportunity to show your wife how much she means to you. Make the most of it. You will NEVER regret it.
Matthew
Well-known member
Me & you both, how I’ve managed to stay married this long doing as I’ve pleased is beyond me.
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GolfLivesMatter
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Answer: Marry an ex-LPGA golfer like I did. If you can't find that, an ex-collegiate golfer, then work your way down.
As others have said, her body language and tone will tell you the answer to your question. If you don't have 2 or 3 kids at home, I'd go on the guys weekend. I've always had a couple guy weekends a year that sometimes got me in trouble but I also have had to say no to a lot of things over the last 20 years, mostly because we were raising 3 kids and my wife has always had a big job that required her to travel 130+ days a year. Now that we're down to 1 at home I can go on guys weekends that weren't often possible in the past - her managing a job and 1 kid with me out of town is easy. Somehow she let me retire at age 53 last May while she is finishing her career so I must have done something right!
Personally, I hold my wife accountable to her literal spoken word. Repeatedly, and yes... to my own detriment.
I've lost many battles but married nearly 24 years now, so apparently, considering that the poor woman is still stuck with me... she's losing the war.
I've lost many battles but married nearly 24 years now, so apparently, considering that the poor woman is still stuck with me... she's losing the war.
See if the golf weekend can get pushed back or like you said go for part of the weekend. You posted about wanting to go to the gala and how important the non-profit is to you. That to me makes everything else a non-factor.
lazychicken
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The responses in this thread are cracking me up! You guys are awesome. LOL!!
Just to clear up some common themes among the responses: Yes, I do know her very well, and I know for a fact that it's not a trap and I could go on the golf trip consequence-free if I chose to. The question was tongue-in-cheek and just posted for humor's sake. And yes, the non-profit is very important to me and I always have a big "unofficial" role working the room and connecting people who need to be connected for the benefit of the organization. I would hate to miss it. The golf event isn't just a trip with the boys, it is yet another fundraising event for a different organization and a bunch of us have made it an annual thing - so all that is to say, it isn't something I can reschedule. But it's no big deal to me either way. I love going on that trip, but I wouldn't miss the Gala. And, while I have the complete freedom to go on the golf trip if I wanted, I also know that there are more important things in life such as being there with family for the big things. And, as a much lower priority, I also know from experience that my attendance at the Gala will buy me a lot of goodwill on the homefront. Totally worth it.
Anyway, thanks for all the responses. This has been hilarious!
Just to clear up some common themes among the responses: Yes, I do know her very well, and I know for a fact that it's not a trap and I could go on the golf trip consequence-free if I chose to. The question was tongue-in-cheek and just posted for humor's sake. And yes, the non-profit is very important to me and I always have a big "unofficial" role working the room and connecting people who need to be connected for the benefit of the organization. I would hate to miss it. The golf event isn't just a trip with the boys, it is yet another fundraising event for a different organization and a bunch of us have made it an annual thing - so all that is to say, it isn't something I can reschedule. But it's no big deal to me either way. I love going on that trip, but I wouldn't miss the Gala. And, while I have the complete freedom to go on the golf trip if I wanted, I also know that there are more important things in life such as being there with family for the big things. And, as a much lower priority, I also know from experience that my attendance at the Gala will buy me a lot of goodwill on the homefront. Totally worth it.
Anyway, thanks for all the responses. This has been hilarious!
It's always a trap even when it's not a trap. I had a trap set that I thought wasn't a trap then 21 years later I got a "remember that time"... DOH!!!
All kidding aside, for me, in my life... wife comes first. always.
All kidding aside, for me, in my life... wife comes first. always.
The responses in this thread are cracking me up! You guys are awesome. LOL!!
Just to clear up some common themes among the responses: Yes, I do know her very well, and I know for a fact that it's not a trap and I could go on the golf trip consequence-free if I chose to. The question was tongue-in-cheek and just posted for humor's sake. And yes, the non-profit is very important to me and I always have a big "unofficial" role working the room and connecting people who need to be connected for the benefit of the organization. I would hate to miss it. The golf event isn't just a trip with the boys, it is yet another fundraising event for a different organization and a bunch of us have made it an annual thing - so all that is to say, it isn't something I can reschedule. But it's no big deal to me either way. I love going on that trip, but I wouldn't miss the Gala. And, while I have the complete freedom to go on the golf trip if I wanted, I also know that there are more important things in life such as being there with family for the big things. And, as a much lower priority, I also know from experience that my attendance at the Gala will buy me a lot of goodwill on the homefront. Totally worth it.
Anyway, thanks for all the responses. This has been hilarious!
When you hang around golf courses long enough you will eventually run into guys that will brag that golf cost them a marriage or two. We had several guys in their 60's at my last club that were very proud of their decision to choose golf over their marriages. Having a father-in-law who is on his 4th marriage, I've seen up close the kind of ego and narcissism this requires.
AcushnetGolf
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If the people involved in the non profit know you by name then go. If you are a regular at the events, she probably wants you to go.
Just an FYI, the HS tennis banquet is the first Friday in May, so there's that.....
(and it's at Top Golf...so there you go, problem solved! Gala, banquet, AND golf)
(and it's at Top Golf...so there you go, problem solved! Gala, banquet, AND golf)
The responses in this thread are cracking me up! You guys are awesome. LOL!!
Just to clear up some common themes among the responses: Yes, I do know her very well, and I know for a fact that it's not a trap and I could go on the golf trip consequence-free if I chose to. The question was tongue-in-cheek and just posted for humor's sake. And yes, the non-profit is very important to me and I always have a big "unofficial" role working the room and connecting people who need to be connected for the benefit of the organization. I would hate to miss it. The golf event isn't just a trip with the boys, it is yet another fundraising event for a different organization and a bunch of us have made it an annual thing - so all that is to say, it isn't something I can reschedule. But it's no big deal to me either way. I love going on that trip, but I wouldn't miss the Gala. And, while I have the complete freedom to go on the golf trip if I wanted, I also know that there are more important things in life such as being there with family for the big things. And, as a much lower priority, I also know from experience that my attendance at the Gala will buy me a lot of goodwill on the homefront. Totally worth it.
Anyway, thanks for all the responses. This has been hilarious!
You'll miss all that porn by not sleeping on the sofa, but that's life.
Anyway, good decision. Having been married 3X, I would have gone to the wife's gala - there is always another golf trip. But it's a lot tougher to find a compatible wife. Here's to luv = sacrifice.
stevie-a
Yeah boyeeeee!
Let me start by clarifying, I've been married long enough to know the right answer here. I'm just venting about the problem because you all will understand.
My wife is the founder and executive director of a non-profit in our area. They've been around for 10 years and they do a lot of good for a lot of people, and they have a ton of community involvement. Accordingly, they have several large fundraising events each year that are critical to their budget.
I have an annual golf trip I go on with my buddies. This trip occurs the first weekend in May each year.
(You already know where this is headed, right?) My wife's non-profit scheduled their big spring gala for the same weekend as my golf trip (she wasn't involved in the scheduling).
I mentioned the conflict and she said, with all sincerity, "you should just go on the trip".
Here's my question to you all: This feels like a trap, right?
Thanks in advance,
Mark
None of us can tell you the right answer, you know your wife better than any of us.....right?
That said, assuming you keep the buddy trip plans then offset the "damage" by doing something nice for the wife at the location of the gala....spa day, mani/pedi, flowers to the room, etc....but do it secretly.
You may still catch some slack for missing the gala, but it'll be reduced when you spontaneously show you care.
Good luck.
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Thanks Dr. Phil.
stevie-a
Yeah boyeeeee!
GolfLivesMatter
Well-known member
I agree, Dr. Phil is terrible!!!!