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Mental Health: Make it a Priority

kiwichris said:
Christmas gets harder every year. I'm so grateful I have my wife and daughter to focus on but it's not a great day for me.

My mum turned 70 today but a year ago I wasn't sure she'd make it this far. We were home in NZ last Chris for the first time in 5 years as a family (parents had made regular trips until covid). She was hospitalized Christmas morning and we weren't sure she'd come out of there, I said goodbye to her at the hospital before leaving and truly didn't know if she'd make it out of there.

I'm sad to say but my mum is gone, she's still with us physically but the early-onset alzheimer's is so far progressed she's not there. I've not dealt with it well, buried my head in the sand and hid away from it and it's getting worse mentally.
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There are some absolutely horrible conditions/diseases that are affecting our parents. I'm very sorry to hear that you are experiencing this, but I don't think you should feel like you are abandoning your Mom. Remember her as she was, not as she is now.
 
Junkyard said:
There are some absolutely horrible conditions/diseases that are affecting our parents. I'm very sorry to hear that you are experiencing this, but I don't think you should feel like you are abandoning your Mom. Remember her as she was, not as she is now.
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My heart goes out to you, you never think about your parents going through health problems until it happens. I hope you & your family can fight through & things get better.
 
kiwichris said:
My heart goes out to you, you never think about your parents going through health problems until it happens. I hope you & your family can fight through & things get better.
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Sir I appreciate the thoughts, but my parents have not quite yet reached that point. Dad is getting close, but I hope he still has a good year to two left in him.

While I can't say firsthand I know what you're going through, I have many friends who have gone through it with their parents. Please do your best to maintain a positive outlook and don't beat yourself up over it. There are plenty of us here happy to lend an ear if needed!
 
I am tired, mentally, emotionally & physically exhausted. We flew home Jan 13 after a distressing call with my step dad who, through no fault of his, felt mum had given up. 3 falls in as many weeks with the last taking all motor skills away, leaving her unable to walk, feed herself, move. That call he said she hadn't eaten or drank anything for almost 4 days & hadn't woken for as long.

We made the decision to fly the next day, worst trip home ever with extreme delays, extreme weather and got back to move mum to a rest home. Since then, she's stable, but the path is towards palliative care. 2 weeks away, large unplanned expense, massive emotional toll on the family & then back to 'life'.

Every day is waiting to plan the next trip back.
 
kiwichris said:
I am tired, mentally, emotionally & physically exhausted. We flew home Jan 13 after a distressing call with my step dad who, through no fault of his, felt mum had given up. 3 falls in as many weeks with the last taking all motor skills away, leaving her unable to walk, feed herself, move. That call he said she hadn't eaten or drank anything for almost 4 days & hadn't woken for as long.

We made the decision to fly the next day, worst trip home ever with extreme delays, extreme weather and got back to move mum to a rest home. Since then, she's stable, but the path is towards palliative care. 2 weeks away, large unplanned expense, massive emotional toll on the family & then back to 'life'.

Every day is waiting to plan the next trip back.
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I'm so sorry my friend, always here if you need an ear.
 
kiwichris said:
I am tired, mentally, emotionally & physically exhausted. We flew home Jan 13 after a distressing call with my step dad who, through no fault of his, felt mum had given up. 3 falls in as many weeks with the last taking all motor skills away, leaving her unable to walk, feed herself, move. That call he said she hadn't eaten or drank anything for almost 4 days & hadn't woken for as long.

We made the decision to fly the next day, worst trip home ever with extreme delays, extreme weather and got back to move mum to a rest home. Since then, she's stable, but the path is towards palliative care. 2 weeks away, large unplanned expense, massive emotional toll on the family & then back to 'life'.

Every day is waiting to plan the next trip back.
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If I may offer some thoughts for consideration (by no means claiming to be an expert, just some thoughts from a THPerson hoping to help out another).....

Consider finding a therapist (if you don't have one). The right one (which may take a bit of time to find) can help offload some stress.
Exercise if you can....even if only for a very limited time each day.
I take supplements to help with the edge.
Best wishes to your fam in this tough time.
 
kiwichris said:
I am tired, mentally, emotionally & physically exhausted. We flew home Jan 13 after a distressing call with my step dad who, through no fault of his, felt mum had given up. 3 falls in as many weeks with the last taking all motor skills away, leaving her unable to walk, feed herself, move. That call he said she hadn't eaten or drank anything for almost 4 days & hadn't woken for as long.

We made the decision to fly the next day, worst trip home ever with extreme delays, extreme weather and got back to move mum to a rest home. Since then, she's stable, but the path is towards palliative care. 2 weeks away, large unplanned expense, massive emotional toll on the family & then back to 'life'.

Every day is waiting to plan the next trip back.
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So sorry to hear! No sage advice from here, but I wish you have someone to share the burden with by talking about all of it.

All the strength to you in this trying time!
 
My goal is to be non judgmental and critical about myself. while just enjoying the moment.
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last week or so has been pretty rough for me. I had a fantastic session with my therapist yesterday and this is what I need to focus on. It is so true!

I am only posting it here as a reminder
 
Inioch said:
So sorry to hear! No sage advice from here, but I wish you have someone to share the burden with by talking about all of it.

All the strength to you in this trying time!
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Appreciate you @Inioch, unfortunately anyone I want to talk with about this, my closest friends who know me & my family are a few timezones away, with their own problems & I feel bad burdening them with my issues. Stupid right?
 
kiwichris said:
Appreciate you @Inioch, unfortunately anyone I want to talk with about this, my closest friends who know me & my family are a few timezones away, with their own problems & I feel bad burdening them with my issues. Stupid right?
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Not stupid. I'm sure they'd feel differently about being burdened than you think they would.
 
kiwichris said:
Appreciate you @Inioch, unfortunately anyone I want to talk with about this, my closest friends who know me & my family are a few timezones away, with their own problems & I feel bad burdening them with my issues. Stupid right?
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What @jbb2388 said, not stupid at all 👊

We all get the same feeling, and we try to carry it ourselves. Maybe try to approach the subject and see what happens and how they react?

I've found the hardest thing to do is to start talking. Not saying everything will be all right after that, but it usually helps past the worst moments. At least for me.
 
Mental health issues start much earlier than a lot of people think. I'm on a committee that votes on college student financial aid appeals applications. When students on financial aid don't pass sufficient # of courses or get lower than the required GPA to maintain their financial aid, they must file an appeal of why they should still be considered for such aid, part of which includes a letter/statement by the student with documentation supporting their stated issues, often including doctors summaries, prescriptions, and diagnoses. I would say >80% of the appeals include issues of mental health that were likely magnified during the Covid pandemic as students were expected to participate in classes in non-traditional fashion (online) and many were not able to cope that way. I've voted on roughly ~600 in the last 3 years, only submitting a declining vote maybe 4-5 times, mostly because their appeal 'letter' was only 2 sentences long, or they failed to submit a 'plan' explaining how they will meet the requirements... i.e., meet with resource people, attend tutoring sessions, etc (the few that were declined would often be asked to re-submit their form). And these are not all 'seasoned college students', often many of them are 1st-semester/1st-year students, not far removed from high school and they are expected to live/perform on their own, away from family and friends. Universities have funds where they can provide resource people/counselors, but I'm sure these issues exist way before college, as in high school where they likely are not deep in mental health resources to help students. Please keep an eye out for your youngsters if there is such a thing as spotting signs or issues earlier, it migh help a lot.
 
bulls9999 said:
Mental health issues start much earlier than a lot of people think. I'm on a committee that votes on college student financial aid appeals applications. When students on financial aid don't pass sufficient # of courses or get lower than the required GPA to maintain their financial aid, they must file an appeal of why they should still be considered for such aid, part of which includes a letter/statement by the student with documentation supporting their stated issues, often including doctors summaries, prescriptions, and diagnoses. I would say >80% of the appeals include issues of mental health that were likely magnified during the Covid pandemic as students were expected to participate in classes in non-traditional fashion (online) and many were not able to cope that way. I've voted on roughly ~600 in the last 3 years, only submitting a declining vote maybe 4-5 times, mostly because their appeal 'letter' was only 2 sentences long, or they failed to submit a 'plan' explaining how they will meet the requirements... i.e., meet with resource people, attend tutoring sessions, etc (the few that were declined would often be asked to re-submit their form). And these are not all 'seasoned college students', often many of them are 1st-semester/1st-year students, not far removed from high school and they are expected to live/perform on their own, away from family and friends. Universities have funds where they can provide resource people/counselors, but I'm sure these issues exist way before college, as in high school where they likely are not deep in mental health resources to help students. Please keep an eye out for your youngsters if there is such a thing as spotting signs or issues earlier, it migh help a lot.
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I have a side gig that puts me in regular contact with teens. There’s no doubt in my mind we have a Covid effect. I think of it as a corollary to the youth of Hemingway’s era being the Lost Generation.
 
I don’t want to get too personal but life events put me in this thread. I have some things to work on / address / get through.
 
Tonight was tough.

Emotionally absolutely just destroyed right now about other stuff, but a good conversation with my wife helped a bit.

Supports are so vital. Please, if you are having a tough time, talk to someone, just reach out.

I would have just buried this in the past. Not doing that **** anymore.
 
Jesus ******* christ life can be burdensome at times.

Our oldest (7yo) has been having a rough patch in his own mental and sensory overloading. And it comes out as verbal abuse towards me when I stop him from going after his brothers. I know he doesn't mean the things he says, but at times it's really hard to just calmly take.

At the same time, we have constant arguments about money with the wife. Our apartment still hasn't sold after price dumps and almost 2 years of trying. She stresses about costs while I make sure we're good financially. But still get shat on for sometimes indulging myself by getting something I want.

I'm not taking away anything from our family money, which is set aside on separate accounts for all our costs. And I supply about 2/3 of that money.

Just a rant, but I find myself quite stressed, gloomy and underappreciated. Not true, I know, but having a rough patch.

At least I get out to golf soon and have the MC to look forward to.
 
In the last year I did not attach much importance to it, and now I regret it. It's crucial for overall well-being. Take steps like therapy, exercise, and self-care. Also, consider online resources, like Canadian Pharmacy B2B. They offer support and guidance for mental health. Visit their website for valuable insights and assistance.
 
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