The Youth Sports Coaching Thread

[Muchmore]

Okay guys, I need some help.

After winning @70% of our games as a 2nd year 14a team we were just horrible at our 1st weekend of 16a. All of these families have been with me for at least 1 year, several for multiple years. ZERO complaints. Then after this weekend... some parents met to talk in the parking lot at practice. That led to a secret parent meeting. That led to 2+ pages of typed up "feedback" (read: complaints and commentary about how to coach).

I'm working through the emotions of it. For example, one of the comments basically said they didn't respect me. That stings. And I wonder why, if they don't respect me, are they even on the team. We played another weekend tourney and I found myself in my head, second guessing myself, making decisions differently, reacting to things parents said. It isn't / wasn't fun. I'm a volunteer. If it isn't fun and some number of families don't appreciate, like or respect me, what's the point?

How do I get past this?

PT of Order - winning 70% of games is irrelevant to me. It is about a lot more than Ws/Ls in my book. But it is context ... we went from being the 2022 Atlanta Braves to the Bad News Bears, and things got ugly thereafter.

This exact thing happened to me this last season. Not an entire team of parents, it was only just one complaining during an indoor tournament before the actual season even started (and we won the freaking tournament). It entirely changed my outlook and passion for doing it for a solid month and a half.

Like I said, it was only one parent. I can't imagine how I'd feel if more than that had done it. But it came down to why I was still doing it. It wasn't for the parents (especially that specific one) it was for the kids. And it was very obvious when the parent's feelings are not the kids feelings. So you know better than anyone, if the kids are still on your side, f**k the parents. A small percentage of them ruin wayyyyyyy to many things in sports for a ton of people.

Also I did have more parents issues with some previous years that were no longer on the team,. but I straight up offered them if they thought they could do a better job to come on down and do it. Shut them up pretty quick

I was VERY lucky for the five years I coached. Four total parents complained. Three of them were gone the next season. I had a great relationship with 95% of the parents and if I didn't, I would have quit wayyyyy sooner. I would ask yourself if the relationship with the kids trumps how the parents are affecting you

 

[Muchmore]

On a higher note, I got to watch six of my players play in their first high school crosstown game yesterday against each other. Knowing these boys since they were 9 and 10 to seeing them in high school soccer was pretty freaking awesome.

 

[tequila4kapp]

1. What sport?
2. Ive seen that situation unfold many times. A team of 14 yr old players win a lot and by the time they get to 16 or 17, other teams have caught up from a development standpoint or get bigger/faster/stronger.
Do you feel that these kids have progressed in the skills/strength areas that are needed to continue to compete? I've seen Johnny's daddy blame a lot of coaches for failing his son, when his son stops working hard to get better or simply stops growing.

Softball.
We play in 2 year age bands. We were an old 14s team and are now a young 16s team. Other teams seem to have gone mixed age, adding some 2nd year 16s players. And at this level you commonly play the 18u teams too. For example, last game Sunday my team with 8 Freshman and 4 Sophs played a team with 6 Seniors, 4 Juniors and 2 Sophs.

I have talented players. I suspect between 4-6 who may play some level college ball. I think they are a little overwhelmed right now...just started HS, playing the older girls, etc.

 

[tequila4kapp]

This exact thing happened to me this last season. Not an entire team of parents, it was only just one complaining during an indoor tournament before the actual season even started (and we won the freaking tournament). It entirely changed my outlook and passion for doing it for a solid month and a half.

Like I said, it was only one parent. I can't imagine how I'd feel if more than that had done it. But it came down to why I was still doing it. It wasn't for the parents (especially that specific one) it was for the kids. And it was very obvious when the parent's feelings are not the kids feelings. So you know better than anyone, if the kids are still on your side, f**k the parents. A small percentage of them ruin wayyyyyyy to many things in sports for a ton of people.

Also I did have more parents issues with some previous years that were no longer on the team,. but I straight up offered them if they thought they could do a better job to come on down and do it. Shut them up pretty quick

I was VERY lucky for the five years I coached. Four total parents complained. Three of them were gone the next season. I had a great relationship with 95% of the parents and if I didn't, I would have quit wayyyyy sooner. I would ask yourself if the relationship with the kids trumps how the parents are affecting you

Thank you for this post. Much appreciated.

 

[MrBlast]

Softball.
We play in 2 year age bands. We were an old 14s team and are now a young 16s team. Other teams seem to have gone mixed age, adding some 2nd year 16s players. And at this level you commonly play the 18u teams too. For example, last game Sunday my team with 8 Freshman and 4 Sophs played a team with 6 Seniors, 4 Juniors and 2 Sophs.

I have talented players. I suspect between 4-6 who may play some level college ball. I think they are a little overwhelmed right now...just started HS, playing the older girls, etc.

I never cared about wins/losses in youth sports and I have always made that clear to the parents. My goal is/was to help develop the players. My other goal is to manage expectations with the parents. I don't know a single (reasonable) adult that clings to youth sports trophies that they earned as a child. They are meaningless. Winning youth sports tournaments/games does not equate to developing players. It certainly doesn't anoint or indict you as a coach. I'd recommend having private discussions with each and every set of parents. If winning is the most important thing to them, invite them to go some place else and compete. Save yourself the aggravation.

 

[gkeller813]

On a higher note, I got to watch six of my players play in their first high school crosstown game yesterday against each other. Knowing these boys since they were 9 and 10 to seeing them in high school soccer was pretty freaking awesome.

Some of my greatest coaching moments happened after kids moved on. Seeing them continue growing in the sport and in life is what it's all about! Glad you were able to enjoy that moment!

 

[Bus]

On a higher note, I got to watch six of my players play in their first high school crosstown game yesterday against each other. Knowing these boys since they were 9 and 10 to seeing them in high school soccer was pretty freaking awesome.

It really is cool. I've been coaching a bunch of kids the last few years in high school football that I coached as 5 year old wrestlers, including my son the last couple years.

 

[Bus]

Also, parents are the worst. So many wanting to make up for their own lack of athletic exploits growing up vicariously through their kids. It's honestly disgusting the way coaches and even moreso their kids end up being treated as a result.

 

[Hawk]

@tequila4kapp

I feel for you man. Sounds like you have a least one toxic parent that is leading a coup. Happens all the time unfortunately.

I think you need to address it head on or it won’t get better. Get some allies.

 

[WSox fan]

I had an open door policy as far as talking about a player’s playing time with there parents when I coached baseball. I always had updated stats for offense and defense. Offense was the basic stuff and defense was total plays, plays made and misplays. Usually bringing that out and explaining my thinking calmed things down. I did have one one parent who wouldn’t let up once. He couldn’t understand why the youngest player on the team was catching all the time and his son wasn’t playing as much. The young kid was hitting over .300 and his on base was almost .600. Nobody ran on him and the pitchers all wanted to throw to him. I asked when his son was interested in trying out for catcher since we were a little thin there and could use another one. He said my son isn’t a catcher. I asked him he why are we having this conversation. I liked the kid but he was intimidated playing against that level. He never played less than half the game and sometimes more. I never pinch hit or took him out for defense because I wanted him to learn. He was a better player in later years as he gained confidence and grew and I was happy for him.

 

[Bus]

I ended up reffing a middle school football game with a couple other of the high school coaches last night because they couldn't get any officials. Holy ****, parents are idiots.

 

[gkeller813]

I ended up reffing a middle school football game with a couple other of the high school coaches last night because they couldn't get any officials. Holy ****, parents are idiots.

And you wonder why...

Unfortunate that parents ruin it for so many coaches and officials.

 

[Bus]

And you wonder why...

Unfortunate that parents ruin it for so many coaches and officials.

Right? I'm not proud, and know the appropriate and mature response was to just ignore him, but I turned around and told him he's an idiot and why.

 

[smgoldstein]

Parents take this way more seriously than the kids. I used to coach my kids rec and travel teams years ago. Before the season started I sent a detailed email to the parents explaining what was expected of me as a coach, their kids as players and them as parents/fans. Managing expectations for the season. I also told them right up front that we were playing in a competitive league, for the travel team, and that the players were not going to get equal playing time-particularly come playoff time. For the most part the parents bought in. When I did get a disgruntled parent, for some reason, it was mostly the mother.

 

[Hawk]

The Purple Hawks dominated the blue team in our rematch on Wednesday. Hated to do it, but I’m not trying to lose twice this season

But really, coaching 7-9 year old girls has been a trip. They are fun, full of passion, and incredibly annoying at times. They’ve had fun and have learned a ton and that’s really all I want. Parents are already asking if I will still coach summer league, but parents always love you when you win.

 

[tequila4kapp]

The Purple Hawks dominated the blue team in our rematch on Wednesday. Hated to do it, but I’m not trying to lose twice this season

But really, coaching 7-9 year old girls has been a trip. They are fun, full of passion, and incredibly annoying at times. They’ve had fun and have learned a ton and that’s really all I want. Parents are already asking if I will still coach summer league, but parents always love you when you win.

Truer words…

 

[MrBlast]

I got asked to finish coaching an Elite League for high school basketball players and I said yes, to help out my buddie who is the program director . The coach that started with the team has had some legal troubles and they removed him because of it. This is a league that plays every Sunday and we play 2 games. Ugh. There is a lot of talent on the team but the fundamentals are seriously lacking. I'll never understand how these kids can play travel ball for 5 or 6 years and not understand what college coaches are looking for. It makes me sad, actually.

 

[Hawk]

That’s a wrap on fall softball. Good times.

 

[tequila4kapp]

That’s an awesome photo. I’m gll lol ad you had a fun experience.

 

[MrBlast]

Its not often that my teams play a lot better in live games than they do in practice but that appears to be the situation I have with this 5th grade basketball team. It was a lot of fun coaching those kids today. We still have a few things to clean up but pleasantly surprised.

 

[tequila4kapp]

I’m at this coaching clinic this weekend. OMG, SOOOO good. (For those of you not in the know, Mike Candrea is like the John Wooden of college softball.)

 

[MrBlast]

This basketball team continues to surprise me. It took 2 weeks to get them to grasp the concept of help defense position. Once they were comfortable with that, I taught them the importance of ball pressure. That took them 6 weeks. They were so soft and not very athletic. Then I taught them how to take away the ball handlers dominant hand. Limit their options with the basketball. After 2 practices, I had them scrimmage live and nobody could drive the ball to the rim. They were forcing everything left (all of my players are R handed). After 5 mins of scrimmage, I stopped the play and asked them if they noticed anything different. They got it. That was right before Xmas break. When they got back, we had 2 practices where I refreshed their memories for a tournament. They went out and won that tournament! In 3 games, they allowed 32 points total. They got beat by 30+ points in our first game of the season. What a turn around.

 

[tequila4kapp]

I guess I should add that I’m assistant coaching my HS Senior’s Rec basketball team, and that it’s an interesting experience being the AC instead of HC. The HC is an 18 year old kid who would be playing college hoops but for an injury. It’s his first time coaching. The team is filled with Rec level players. He’s getting very frustrated by their inability to execute/perform stuff. I am learning about how much pressure we can feel from owning the team’s performance as HC - which I definitely feel as HC in softball - and how those same issues don’t exist (for me at least) as an AC.

 

[Duffer Waldorf]

3rd/4th and 5th/6th grade teams start play today.

One practice per week and one game per week, so we have limited time to teach things. My 5th/6th graders moved without the ball after 3 weeks better than any team I've had. Shuffling 14 kids in and out of the game so everybody plays enough is going to be a challenge. I think we are going to push the pace so somebody gets tired faster.

Getting the 3rd/4th graders to pass the ball is going to be a Herculean task.

 

[MrBlast]

3rd/4th and 5th/6th grade teams start play today.

One practice per week and one game per week, so we have limited time to teach things. My 5th/6th graders moved without the ball after 3 weeks better than any team I've had. Shuffling 14 kids in and out of the game so everybody plays enough is going to be a challenge. I think we are going to push the pace so somebody gets tired faster.

Getting the 3rd/4th graders to pass the ball is going to be a Herculean task.

That's almost an impossible task. To get 14 players reps to learn what you're teaching in 1 practice/1 game a week? Tall order. I have 8 kids on my team with 2 practices a week (3 hrs total per week) with 9 tournaments. It's taken me 3 months to turn them into something that resembles basketball players. 14 kids sharing minutes is tough too. Best of luck to you.