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Wife cutting down golf

Jericho

Jericho

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So I got into a little heated argument over the weekend with the wife. For the last few years I've averaged a round a week with a second once in a while. This year we had a child (now 7 months old). Since her birth I've all but given up practicing and am averaging about 1 round every 3 weeks. All along I had [vocal] envisions of going back to playing weekly once the baby was 6 months and more independent. This weekend I brought up the irony of the fact that I actually haven't played a round SINCE she turned 6 months. Long story short, the wife thinks that a 5 hour round (gone for 5 hours total) once per week is extremely overboard for having a 7 month old. She has no problem with every other week but not every week.

What makes matters more difficult (for me) is that my best friend and his wife had a baby 6 weeks before us yet he still plays every week, sometimes twice.

I realize that there is no good solution that will magically make her change her mind, and that every one's family is different but I guess I just wanted to vent, and maybe hear if anyone had a similar situation and if it ever improved.

Thanks
 
With our first child I played as much golf as I did before she was born. My wife was pretty good about it but you could see 5 hours every weekend was starting to wear on her. We had our second 9 months ago and I've continued to play about once a week but less on weekends. There is no time for practice anymore though.
 
Man it's a tough situation and it can cause a lot of friction in a relationship too. I quit golf for seven years when my son was born. I'm not saying lay the game down like I did but put your priorities in place. Just saying what is more important to you. Golf vs wife.
 
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Does she have any hobbies? I do t*t for tat dude. Get her out of the house and let her know you expect the same. Play as early as the course will let you or play one or two nine hole rounds.
 
When my son was aroud that age the wife and I made deals about my golfing. 3x a week I would watch him while she went to the gym and anytime she wanted to have a girls night on the weekend in exchange for a long, hassle free round on the weekend. He's now 13 months old and that deal has been working great. I go out on Saturday or Sunday with my buds and don't get the constant texts of "when will you be home?" lol.
 
I'm not sure there are too many people like your friend who keep playing the same amount post baby. From afar it sounds like your expectations were skewed by that unusual situation. But that's just my two cents.

Maybe look for a compromise. Play 9 holes instead of 18...playing during a convenient time for your wife (is there a defined nap time yet?)...give your wife comparable "me time" where you are home solo with the baby.

It is a hard but it will work out. Hang in there!
 
I would say that every wife is different when it comes to time away from the family. It certainly depends on the child / children too. I have a couple friends that travel for their job 5 out of 5 days per week and then come home on the weekend and still go out with the guys. For me, I rarely travel, but I only golf once or twice a month at best. Having an almost 5 year old and a 1.5 year old, I have come to realize that my golfing time is going to be very short for the next few years.

If it is the 5 hours away from the family, try to play 9 holes at a time. You could also try to get very early tee times on the weekend where you leave while your wife and children are still asleep, so it seems like you are gone for a shorter amount of time. Or even choose a time when your child naps to be away. These have worked well for me when I do play. If all else fails, usually an hour at the range goes over well versus a round. Definitely not the same, but at least you will be working on your game.

Overall, not much you can do about it unfortunately.
 
Hate to say but, welcome to the world of being a parent.
 
From my experience multiple children definitely reduce your golf and everything else time until they start driving. My wife has always worked so that is a factor as well. I would rather spend time with her on the weekends than my golf buddies when one of us has been traveling all week.

I saw very little reduction in my golf when our first was born, but when our daughter came along when he was 27 months old my golf went from 80 rounds a year to about 40. When they get to be 5 or 6 and start playing sports and doing piano, dance, etc. time for golf gets very limited. This time of year with all 3 of mine playing sports, there is almost no time on the weekends for golf(we have out of town tournaments 3 of the next 5 weekends) so if I play it's usually just 9 hole during the evening. Winter, spring, and summer there is lots of time for golf because only my son has a spring sport and he drives himself to all the practices and only has a few meets on weekends. By the time my daughter starts driving in 15 months, time for golf will go way up.
 
Similar situation here the past few years. Had our first child 3 years ago and lost some freedom. I still played twice a week, however. Had a second child this year and that's a game changer. My wife still let's me play once a week.

It's a very slippery slope. My wife is very reasonable and understands this is one of my few passions. I no longer practice and have to play during nap times to minimize the chaos she deals with. I've turned to at home solutions for practice and juggling naps and golf has been challenging but doable. I can play 18 in 3 hours at my club. My daughter naps for about 2 hours. Works pretty well.
 
huhhh said:
Hate to say but, welcome to the world of being a parent.
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I have a 10 month old and I'm playing less than half as much this year as I did last year pre-baby. Also, my practice time is basically gone right now, if I get the time to play I go out to a course instead of the driving range.

I do agree with Hawk though: if you don't already do it, give your wife some time to spend away from the baby where it's just you and the baby, and she may be more inclined to reciprocate and give you time to play golf.
 
We don't have kids yet but I've had to dial it back in recent months. I was getting carried away and every time she gave an inch I was taking a mile.

I imagine that having a child would pretty much bring the golfing to a halt completely.
 
arydolphin said:
I have a 10 month old and I'm playing less than half as much this year as I did last year pre-baby. Also, my practice time is basically gone right now, if I get the time to play I go out to a course instead of the driving range.

I do agree with Hawk though: if you don't already do it, give your wife some time to spend away from the baby where it's just you and the baby, and she may be more inclined to reciprocate and give you time to play golf.
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In our case, it's basically scheduled so everybody knows what to expect. Alleviates the awkwardness of 'asking'. Saturday morning is hers and Sunday is mine. Unless there is something we are planning as a family for that time of course, but in most cases it works out just fine.

As far as practice goes during the week, I tend to give up my own time for that. After the kids are asleep.
 
Life runs in cycles, this in my mind is not worth arguing over. At 6 months the kid is about 13 years away from being "independent". Golf is down now but raising and spending time with a family is a first priority. Just wait until the kid starts its own activities and you will find even less time to play. When my kids were young I played when I could and never assumed it would be a weekly thing.
 
I have a 3 year old and almost 2 year old, my local range sells the last bucket at 9:30 PM and i sneak out after their bedtime at 8pm an get some solid time in. For the course I set my tee times for 6:30AM till about 7:15AM and I home well before lunch.
 
twin 3 year-olds here...

An example from this past week:

I make sure I am home every evening. I try to make things as easy on her as possible. cook, clean, bathe kids, etc. I do this regardless of golf because it helps our relationship work. There is actually clinical research that shows the more dads are involved in childcare & home chores, the higher marital and parent satisfaction rates 2-4 years later. I'm living proof of that.

Then, on Saturday, I got my sleep-in day and we did a 100% family day. Around 4pm, I told her to skeedaddle and I took the kids the rest of the evening. She got the night to herself and came back around 9:30.

Next AM, she sleeps in, I get up with kids, cook breakfast, get kids dressed / ready for day...and I headed out to golf at 1pm. Played 27 holes and got back at 7pm

Works like a charm for us. Communication and having agreements before the kid(s) come is key. If you don't, then negotiate them now or do a stint with a good counselor to get things straight.
 
Unfortunately this is starting to sound like I'm just SOL. My wife literally has no hobbies that require her to leave the house and have me care for the baby. As for playing when she naps...lol. The baby is an excellent night sleeper (8pm to 7am like clockwork)...unfortunately because she sleeps so much at night she's not a great napper. She takes 3 naps per day, two 30 min'ers and one that is 1-2 hours. The problem is that she mixes it up and we never know when the long nap is going to come. Sometimes she takes it mid day, sometimes last.

Oh well. Thanks for listening :(
 
Jericho said:
All along I had [vocal] envisions of going back to playing weekly once the baby was 6 months and more independent.
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This was your first mistake. :alien: Seriously though, it takes a while for them to become more independent. Good advice below on t*t for tat. Also, it was mentioned above, look for 9 hole rounds if you can. A good amount of my rounds have become 9 holes at 6 am. That way I'm back as everyone is getting up, or even before they're awake.
Hawk said:
Does she have any hobbies? I do t*t for tat dude. Get her out of the house and let her know you expect the same. Play as early as the course will let you or play one or two nine hole rounds.
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Happy Wife..Happy Life
 
Welcome to my world. I use to practice and or play at least 4 to 6 times a week before and after we were 1st married. Granted I was working at a golf course, so it was easy to go in early or stay late. Then, once that stopped, so did my golf. We moved, I got a new job that wasn't golf related. I was still able to practice, but my playing went to once a week at best. Usually every other week was normal.
Then, when our first daughter came, my golf basically stopped and was down to about once a month with no practice. Then when our second daughter came, I was down even more. I tried to do the share part, but for some reason my wife doesn't want to call friends, only her sisters. Which is fine, but they have kids/families too so that's not to often. Plus, with my work schedule basically being Mon-Sat. 8-6 at work, I only have Sunday off and one Saturday a month. So, as much as I would love to go play golf every Sunday, I tend to stay home so I can be with my wife and kids. Especially during the school years when they are in bed by 8/8:30, so I only get to see them for about 2 hours a night.

Here's the bottom line (for me). Golf is a passion and a game that I love, but it's just a game and I love my wife and kids more than a game. I will add this, due to my recent selection for the #Grandaddy I've been chipping and putting or hitting balls over lunch just about ever day that I can. That's been a great way to help me turn my game back on, and improve towards where I use to be with my game. So, if you're able to, maybe try sneaking out over lunch for about a 1/2 hour to 45 minutes and just working on your short game at least. Even after the #Grandaddy is done, and Spring comes back around, I think I'll continue to do this.
 
Agent Jay said:
I will add this, due to my recent selection for the #Grandaddy I've been chipping and putting or hitting balls over lunch just about ever day that I can. That's been a great way to help me turn my game back on, and improve towards where I use to be with my game. So, if you're able to, maybe try sneaking out over lunch for about a 1/2 hour to 45 minutes and just working on your short game at least..
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This is a good one. I do a lot of this.
 
Hawk said:
Does she have any hobbies? I do t*t for tat dude. Get her out of the house and let her know you expect the same. Play as early as the course will let you or play one or two nine hole rounds.
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Exactly this. Setup a trade. She gets to go out with the girls or whatever she finds fun and you get to play golf guilt free. Obviously you'll be limited to a round a week unless she's feeling particularly charitable, but when you have young kids, you take what you can get.

Edit: just noticed your post about her not having hobbies.

First - this is a perfect chance to encourage her to get one. Find something she's always wanted to do. A pottery class? A cooking class? Learning to shoot skeet?

If that doesn't work, still work out a trade, but it's her choice not to go out. She gets 4 hours of zero baby responsibility in the house. She can take a nap, watch TV, whatever. She may say something like, "it's not a break because the baby is still around," but remind her that's her choice. If she gets 4 or 5 hours with no child responsibility whatsoever, then you should too.
 
yeah it may be difficult right now but look at it this way....golf will always be around....you can play until you're old and wrinkly. Give it time and do the family thing. Yes, there has to be balance but I haven't played golf in months but it really doesn't concern me I'll come around when I can. I have a wife at home who has ALS and I'd rather be with her and help where I can. Golf is just golf, man. Take care of home and cherish the moments you have with your wife and kids.
 
Jericho said:
Unfortunately this is starting to sound like I'm just SOL. My wife literally has no hobbies that require her to leave the house and have me care for the baby. As for playing when she naps...lol. The baby is an excellent night sleeper (8pm to 7am like clockwork)...unfortunately because she sleeps so much at night she's not a great napper. She takes 3 naps per day, two 30 min'ers and one that is 1-2 hours. The problem is that she mixes it up and we never know when the long nap is going to come. Sometimes she takes it mid day, sometimes last.

Oh well. Thanks for listening :(
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My wife is kind of the same way. I literally picked up the phone, called her best friend and set up monthly breakfast dates foe them to get her to go do something for herself.

Punt on the naps and go with the uber early tee times instead. As another person mentioned, your 5 hour round is effectively a 2 or 3 hour round to the wife. I did that a lot, almost exclusively for quite a while. This summer I've been able to play more regular golf.

You aren't SOL, it's just an adjustment for everyone involved. Speaking of which, when you do get your wife to leave the house for a few hours you may have a better appreciation for how she sees things. I may have experienced that part of this myself too :)
 
I'm on an every other week schedule and it works for me because I have a launch monitor, birdie ball green, and swing box at the house to keep me sane. I also tee off at the first tee time and if I'm lucky can get 36 in before noon.
 
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