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Tough week & sad times

I have never been through rehab, but I can't imagine it would be better to come home early. I wonder if he is just not wanting to deal with what is making him keep abusing drugs.
 
Ole Gray said:
Quick update: My son's counselor called today and said that he is already asking about coming home early. He made it through detox and now he thinks the next part of the journey will be easy. KellyBo and I have already booked a flight down for August 24th which cost us $400.00 plus bucks, which is non refundable. I also have to pay for my son's return flight home. For those of you who have been through something of this nature, why would he want to come home so early. If I talk to my son today I'm going to insist that he stay for the long haul. I think to allow him to cut his 30 day rehab short would be a huge mistake. I made it through six weeks of Army boot camp so I think he should be able to tough it out for 30 days of rehab. Thoughts on this are certainly welcomed.
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I've never dealt with it before, but I would think there is a reason they have 30 day programs. I would do what I could to keep him there the whole time.
 
Ole Gray, glad things are going well for your son. I don't have any experience, but my gut tells me your instinct to have him stay the whole time is correct. I would imagine there is a lot of valuable therapy upcoming, and it would be a shame to pass that up. Best wishes for your son's continued success in remaking his life!
 
I think Frank would be best to chime in on this thread.
 
Gray -

I hope it's not the case with you, but from personal experience with my Step Daughter, coming home early just meant that she conned enough counselors and family members that she was OK and serious about quitting. It wasn't the case. Rehab is restricting, confrontational and you're following someone else's rules all the time. It's not fun for an addict that is used to their own self importance and having their own way. I'm sorry to be so blunt with you about it, but my recommendation is to try and convince him to stay. All the negative support systems,friends, stresses, and conditions still exist back at home that led to the addictions and drug dependence, and going through detox only isn't enough to combat all the things that are stacked against him. He needs some additional tools that only the counseling and time can provide. Even then, he's got to want to be clean.

I believe it's up to him though as it's not like he's been incarcerated, so treatment is voluntary. But whatever you can do to have him stay for the full course of treatment will be the best for him. I can say that things can get better and our daughter and granddaughter are living with us now and things are relatively good. Our granddaughter is a sweetie and our daughter has some good days interspersed between bad weeks, and struggles still struggles with her mental health and various addictions. What you can do is be supportive of positive results. Remind your son that if he's experiencing bad things that he needs to look at his own responsibility for those things. How I coached my daughter, was to look at the positive things in her life and see what her actions were that helped bring those about. And if she's experiencing things she isn't happy with, to look at her actions that caused those, and to concentrate more on the actions that bring her happiness and do less of the things that bring her unhappiness. Sounds simple, but there are patterns that are unconscious that repeat out of habit.
 
OG, having gone thru this with a partner, don't agree to him leaving early. The counseling and "rules" at rehab provide important structure.

As soon as detox is done, folks generally feel better physically and want out of the restrictive environment, but it is that environment that will assist your son in staying on the road to recovery.

Good luck! Stay strong...
 
Everything will work out for you and KellyBo and your son be safe and our prayers go out to you and your family
 
I got some really awesome advice as I was talking to my friend Freddie, just a few minutes ago. There is no doubt that my son will be there for the duration of treatment now. I also appreciate the insight that RadRob and others have spoken. Thank ya THP family and the support here has been phenomenal!
 
Bill, I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this issue, but I know you can handle it. You and Kelly are two of the nicest people I have ever met, and if you need anything at all, please let me know.
 
I'm glad you are enforcing the full stay, I can't tell you how important it is for recovery from addiction Gray. Stay the course, even when you want to give in, don't.
 
Bill, I just found this thread. Guess my head has been up my ...you know. It looks like things are going in the right direction for your family. Just from my dealings with kids at school, it is good that he stays the full rehab. It's not good when they are in and out quickly, some things just take time.

I will see you folks tomorrow morning.
 
Make him stick it out, complete his program. After that he needs to find an AA/NA group and attend 90 meetings in 90 days. He will need to be plugged in with a psychiatrist and a substance abuse counselor at discharge as well. The 90 meetings in 90 days is huge. Get a sponsor there and make it work.

Places like UNC have an intensive outpatient program that runs groups a few days a week to help manage substance abuse as well. That's a great option for the first few months as well.
 
FrankA said:
Make him stick it out, complete his program. After that he needs to find an AA/NA group and attend 90 meetings in 90 days. He will need to be plugged in with a psychiatrist and a substance abuse counselor at discharge as well. The 90 meetings in 90 days is huge. Get a sponsor there and make it work.

Places like UNC have an intensive outpatient program that runs groups a few days a week to help manage substance abuse as well. That's a great option for the first few months as well.
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Thanks Frank. I have receive so much encouragement and great advice that my heart feels a ton lighter. I know the battle is tough and the war is even tougher. It takes a long time for anyone to take charge and manage seriously addicting habits. It won't happen overnight and the 90 day AA program will be on the agenda. I appreciate the info!
 
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Lefty78 said:
Bill, I just found this thread. Guess my head has been up my ...you know. It looks like things are going in the right direction for your family. Just from my dealings with kids at school, it is good that he stays the full rehab. It's not good when they are in and out quickly, some things just take time.

I will see you folks tomorrow morning.
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Thanks Don and I'm looking forward to tomorrow! I need some fun and laughter with my buddies for sure.
 
Ole Gray said:
Quick update: My son's counselor called today and said that he is already asking about coming home early. He made it through detox and now he thinks the next part of the journey will be easy. KellyBo and I have already booked a flight down for August 24th which cost us $400.00 plus bucks, which is non refundable. I also have to pay for my son's return flight home. For those of you who have been through something of this nature, why would he want to come home so early. If I talk to my son today I'm going to insist that he stay for the long haul. I think to allow him to cut his 30 day rehab short would be a huge mistake. I made it through six weeks of Army boot camp so I think he should be able to tough it out for 30 days of rehab. Thoughts on this are certainly welcomed.
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This is actually a tough one.

Most people want to leave rehab early because they ultimately want to revert back to their old abusing ways. Thus, we should force them to stay. HOWEVER, in my experience rehab only works if the addict voluntarily chooses to embrace it; they have to want to be clean. Thus, forcing him to stay may be wasted time / money because it won't lead to the end result you are hoping for. I really hope I am wrong and it works out differently for you. Also, this type of stuff and relapses are very common / normal. Addiction is really hard.
 
tequila4kapp said:
This is actually a tough one.

Most people want to leave rehab early because they ultimately want to revert back to their old abusing ways. Thus, we should force them to stay. HOWEVER, in my experience rehab only works if the addict voluntarily chooses to embrace it; they have to want to be clean. Thus, forcing him to stay may be wasted time / money because it won't lead to the end result you are hoping for. I really hope I am wrong and it works out differently for you. Also, this type of stuff and relapses are very common / normal. Addiction is really hard.
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I do agree that a person has to want to come clean. My son did ask me to put him into rehab as he was desperate. He did call me today and said, "Dad I am doing fine" which tells me he has decided to stay. KellyBo and I are going down August 24th for a nine hour group session with other parents/patients. It's a family day and we are looking forward to seeing what the program has done for my son. I know the road will be long and the load heavy but it's a choice we have made to hook up the mule and carry the load.
 
Ole Gray said:
I do agree that a person has to want to come clean. My son did ask me to put him into rehab as he was desperate. He did call me today and said, "Dad I am doing fine" which tells me he has decided to stay. KellyBo and I are going down August 24th for a nine hour group session with other parents/patients. It's a family day and we are looking forward to seeing what the program has done for my son. I know the road will be long and the load heavy but it's a choice we have made to hook up the mule and carry the load.
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You are obviously good, loving parents and that goes a long way. I will continue to keep you in our prayers.
 
tequila4kapp said:
You are obviously good, loving parents and that goes a long way. I will continue to keep you in our prayers.
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Thanks T4K as we will need all the prayers and well wishes we can get. I'm going to do my part and then let somebody bigger than me, take it for the long haul :thumb:
 
Ole Gray said:
I made it through six weeks of Army boot camp so I think he should be able to tough it out for 30 days of rehab. Thoughts on this are certainly welcomed.
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That's a pretty good attitude!

FrankA said:
Make him stick it out, complete his program. After that he needs to find an AA/NA group and attend 90 meetings in 90 days. He will need to be plugged in with a psychiatrist and a substance abuse counselor at discharge as well. The 90 meetings in 90 days is huge. Get a sponsor there and make it work.

Places like UNC have an intensive outpatient program that runs groups a few days a week to help manage substance abuse as well. That's a great option for the first few months as well.
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I have not met you, but I like you already!

tequila4kapp said:
This is actually a tough one.

Most people want to leave rehab early because they ultimately want to revert back to their old abusing ways. Thus, we should force them to stay. HOWEVER, in my experience rehab only works if the addict voluntarily chooses to embrace it; they have to want to be clean. Thus, forcing him to stay may be wasted time / money because it won't lead to the end result you are hoping for. I really hope I am wrong and it works out differently for you. Also, this type of stuff and relapses are very common / normal. Addiction is really hard.
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True that some people will bounce in & out of this program or that. At least this fellow ASKED for help. He wasn't invited by a government agency or on Intervention.

Here is a snippet from AA:
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.

Half measures availed us nothing.
 
Bill, it is good to see you are getting support here and it is helping you make good decisions. You son will only benefit from the good decisions you are making on his behalf.
 
White Rhino said:
Bill, it is good to see you are getting support here and it is helping you make good decisions. You son will only benefit from the good decisions you are making on his behalf.
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Good buddy I have received tons of support and great info from this thread. You guys are the best :clapp:!
 
All I can say, is he is lucky to have you and KB as parents...you are doing a good job here. Best wishes to all you folks in this endeavor.
 
I think the biggest obstacles and decisions that are put in front of us in our lives are what shape us into the people we are. Your son will thank you someday, even though it's hard to make that decision, getting him the help he needs is the what's for the best. Hang in there!
 
spazzdog said:
OG, having gone thru this with a partner, don't agree to him leaving early. The counseling and "rules" at rehab provide important structure.

As soon as detox is done, folks generally feel better physically and want out of the restrictive environment, but it is that environment that will assist your son in staying on the road to recovery.

Good luck! Stay strong...
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Bill, you know my story (not unlike Spazzdog's) and this is dead on.

Additionally after rehab your son may want to try and find a sober living situation for 30-90 days. Sober living houses are like rehab from a structure standpoint (meetings/support in a drug/alcohol free environment) but provide a gentle link back to the outside world. Residents are encouraged to get a job or go to school, do daily activities but with curfews & counseling.

For someone who has struggled with keeping clean or had relapses or just feels they need more time to adjust to a sober life, sober living situations can make all the difference.

Good luck buddy


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I had a call today from one of my son's counselor's saying my son still wants to come home. He talked with me several minutes and ask if it was ok for him to provide direct but fair advice to my son. After they had their talk he is going to do a conference call with my son on the line. He said to expect for him to ask to come home but to stand firm for his full 30 days of rehab. Kelly and I had already purchased two plane tickets for a family day August 25th. This is non refundable so we definitely going to family day. I just have to thank my THP family for all the kind words, actions, posts and support that is overwhelming my heart. You folks are truly family.
 
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