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Do You Know Any Good Golf Jokes?

Jr. Lancer

Jr. Lancer

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Do you know any good golf jokes? I know one and here it is:

I broke 80 today. That's a lot of clubs. :laughing:
 
I'm not 100% sure, but I believe Jr. Lancer is a 12 year old girl so G rated jokes would probably work best here.
 
Golfer: "This is the worst golf course I ever played."
Caddie: "This isn't the golf course, sir! We left that over an hour ago"



Golfer: "Well, I've never played this badly before"
Caddie: "I didn't realize that you had played before, sir"



Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It is annoying."
Caddie: "This isn't a watch, sir. It is a compass."
 
Diane said:
I'm not 100% sure, but I believe Jr. Lancer is a 12 year old girl so G rated jokes would probably work best here.
Click to expand...

Bingo. Jr. Lancer belongs to me.

I have a golf joke for you Jr. Lancer. Your mother's chipping. :D

Don't tell her I said that.

Kevin
 
One more bad shot will drive me crazy.

You don't need a drive - a short putt will do it.


(My father likes to say that to me.)
 
My last tee shot was pretty much a joke!
 
A guy has flown over to play the Old Course and he is really playing poorly. He is hitting the ball all over the place and must be at 100 for the front nine.

He turns to his caddy and says, "You must be the worst caddy on earth."

To which the caddy replies, "That, sir, would be too much of a coincidence."
 
Diane said:
One more bad shot will drive me crazy.

You don't need a drive - a short putt will do it.


(My father likes to say that to me.)
Click to expand...

When my ex-wife told me the kids were driving her crazy, I replied that it would be a very short trip.

I wonder why she's an ex?
 
While playing Pebble Beach the golfer ask his caddy if he thought he could reach the green with his 7 iron. His caddy replied "eventually".
 
Esox said:
Bingo. Jr. Lancer belongs to me.

I have a golf joke for you Jr. Lancer. Your mother's chipping. :D

Don't tell her I said that.

Kevin
Click to expand...

Yes though your game was so bad this year that you have to have your ball retriever regripped. :smile-big:

Great jokes everyone they are really funny!
 
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”

The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”
 
my swing is a joke
 
I heard one about tiger woods this morning at work.....Tiger woods is better driving in the fairway then he is the drive way!:clapp:
 
A kid and his grandfather go out to play on the golf course. (The kid is playing the grandfather is just watching). So the kid comes to the hardest hole on the course and hits a short drive but down the center. When he gets to the ball there is a huge tree right between the kid and the green. The Grandfather says to the kid "When I was your age I could take my shot right over that tree." The kid thinks that because the grandfather once could take it over the large tree so could he. When he tries he fails miserably and the ball gets caught in the tree. Then the grandpa says "but when I was your age that tree was a whole lot shorter."
 
claycribbs said:
A kid and his grandfather go out to play on the golf course. (The kid is playing the grandfather is just watching). So the kid comes to the hardest hole on the course and hits a short drive but down the center. When he gets to the ball there is a huge tree right between the kid and the green. The Grandfather says to the kid "When I was your age I could take my shot right over that tree." The kid thinks that because the grandfather once could take it over the large tree so could he. When he tries he fails miserably and the ball gets caught in the tree. Then the grandpa says "but when I was your age that tree was a whole lot shorter."
Click to expand...

i love that commercial
 
Jesus and Moses are playing golf at Augusta one day. Jesus has hit a good drive on the 15th leaving himself about 210 yards to the green. He announces to Moses that when Tiger Woods was here in the Masters, he hit a 6 iron on the green, so Jesus was going to also hit a 6 iron. He swings and hits a great shot that is heading straight for the flag before falling, quite majestically, into the middle of the lake in front of the green. He turns to Moses and says "be a sport old chap and go get me my ball back would you?". Moses sets off down the hill, parts the waters, goes into the lake and picks up Jesus's ball. He walks back up to the top of the hill and hands Jesus his ball back saying "look, just hit a 4 iron like you need to". Jesus says "stand aside old man" before hitting his 6 iron again, with exactly the same result. Moses tells him this time he's going to have to go get the ball out himself. By now the group behind have caught up to them in the fairway. They watch as Jesus gets to the lake before walking out onto it. One of the shocked guys in the group behind says "who does he think he is? Jesus Christ?". Moses says "No, Tiger Woods".
 
solidkjames said:
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”

The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”
Click to expand...

I laughed so hard at this one. Classic!
 
Just a friendly reminder that this thread is part of the junior golf section. Nothing inappropriate on here at all, just making sure everybody knows.
 
deleted due to prior use (above)
 
After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, "Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?"

"Yes," the golfer responded.

"Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?"

"Yes, I did. How did you know?" he asked.

"Well," said the policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver's windshield. The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck. The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned down. So, what are you going to do about it?"

The golfer thought it over carefully and responded...

"I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb."
 
^ Haha that got me giggling (yes I'm secure enough to giggle) in line at wallyworld...just got a few weird looks.

Sent from my ADR6300 using Tapatalk
 
I made a hole in one and two birdies on the first five holes yesterday. The first Par three is Number 7.
 
Arnold Palmer is on the range hitting 6 irons. They fly 180 yards, take one hop and spin back 15 feet.
A man watching asks "Mr. Palmer, how do you get a 6 iron to back up like that?"
Arnie asks "How far do you hit your 6 iron?"
The man replies "About 140 yards."
Arnie asks "Why would you want it to back up?"
 
^^^ That one is pretty funny, and it is very true.
 
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