The dad joke thread

[fairwaynut]

Why don't pandas get invited on canoe trips?

Instead of bringing paddles they bring pandamonium.

 

[Space Bandito]

Why don't pandas get invited on canoe trips?

Instead of bringing paddles the bring pandamonium.

 

[fairwaynut]

Very cool giphy!!! k:

 

[donny475]

 

[AndyL0711]

Whats the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

One is a filthy, slimy, scum-sucking bottom-dweller and the other is a fish.

 

[fairwaynut]

Why don't skunks make very good soldiers?

Their bad at taking odors.

 

[BogeyNSmith]

I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes...now I have Heinzsight.

 

[BogeyNSmith]

Man shot 200 times with upholstery gun...Dr.s say he is now fully recovered.

 

[BogeyNSmith]

Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change colors?

He had reptile dysfunction.

 

[fairwaynut]

Knock, Knock,
Who's there?

Mustache,
Mustache who?

I mustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later.

 

[Tevenor]

Man shot 200 times with upholstery gun...Dr.s say he is now fully recovered.

I'll be honest. That one made me giggle.

 

[redneckwop]

If you get an email from Hormel don't open it, it's SPAM.

 

[copenhagerman]

What happens when an artist has trouble finding inspiration?

She draws a blank.

 

[buckeyewalt]

If you have to be told
not to drink bleach or Lysol
COVID-19
isn't your biggest problem.

 

[fairwaynut]

What do skeletons order when they eat at a BBQ Restaurant?

Spare Ribs.

 

[redneckwop]

Went to the zoo yesterday & saw a baguette in a cage.

The zoo keeper told me is was bread in captivity.

 

[fairwaynut]

Why can't shoes use computers?

They don't know how to boot them>

 

[OtterMan]

Police in Florida are training a crocodile to track criminals in the swamp. He's going to be an investi-gator!

 

[fairwaynut]

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartenders asks, "Olive or Twist?"

 

[Thrillbilly Jim]

What is the difference between people from Dubai and Abu Dhabi? People from Dubai don't like the Flintstones, but people from Abu Dhabi do!

 

[WLG1952]

Dad wakes up, rolls over, and whispers "golf course, or intercourse"? Mom, without moving, whispers back "I already put your bag in the car"........

 

[fairwaynut]

Dad wakes up, rolls over, and whispers "golf course, or intercourse"? Mom, without moving, whispers back "I already put your bag in the car"........

 

[redneckwop]

What do you call it when 1 cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.

 

[leftshot]

MarMill8412 said:
What did the girl mushroom say to the boy mushroom after their date...

you’re a fun guy!

That’s in spore taste!

Well, she was a fungal.

 

[redneckwop]

I accidentally gave my wife a glue stick instead of chapstick & she still isn't talking to me.