The dad joke thread

Reframmellator

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Why James Bond like pork more than chicken?

Because he likes his meat "Bacon, not bird."
 

TYork

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last week there was a terrible accident, where a guy fell into an upholstery machine.......the guy turned out OK, he's fully re-covered.
 

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Stribs

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What's the difference between a rhino and a zippo?

One is a really heavy animal and the other is a little lighter.
 

Stribs

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One of my favs....

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

Elephino!
 

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Why do blind people hate skydiving? It scares the hell out of their dogs.
 

Phil75070

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Rene Decartes was at a fancy dinner. The waiter asked him if he would like a drink. Descartes replied, "I think not", and POOF, he disappeared.
 

Reframmellator

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Rene Decartes was at a fancy dinner. The waiter asked him if he would like a drink. Descartes replied, "I think not", and POOF, he disappeared.
One of my favorites!
 

MPlefty

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Rene Decartes was at a fancy dinner. The waiter asked him if he would like a drink. Descartes replied, "I think not", and POOF, he disappeared.
Great one!
 

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Did you hear about the baby boy that was born with no eyelids? The doctor took his foreskin and made him some. The Boy's mother couldn't understand why her son would be "Cock-eyed" for the rest of his life.
 

badolds

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Schwinn has a new style bike on the market. It has no seat or handlebars.

Its for the guy who lost his azz and don't know which way to turn.
 

Reframmellator

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Little-known chemical compounds:

Dox.jpg

Mercedes Benzene.jpg

This last one is iron-ic.

Ferrous Wheel.png
 

Molten

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Can Al do it?

Yes, Alkane.
 

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It’s really hard for a guy with a chemistry degree to make jokes because all the good ones argon.
 

KY Golfer

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What do you call a man with a rubber Toe?

Roberto!!
 

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Today I saw an ad that said "radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on full."

I thought, "I can't turn that down."
 

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It’s really hard for a guy with a chemistry degree to make jokes because all the good ones argon.
.


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MagicSpell

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What do you name your dog with no legs? Drag
What do you name your son with no arms and no legs? Bob
What do you name your daughter with one leg? Eileen
What if your Asian? Irene
 

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Why did the golfer wear 2 pair of pants, he might get a hole in one.
 

DNice26

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The dad joke thread

Some incredible ones in here! Nice job Dads.


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Kay-Dee

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Did you hear about the optometrist who accidentally fell into his lens machine? He ended up making a spectacle of himself.
 

J.B. Cobb III

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What do you call a midget prisoner escaping down a fence?
A little condescending!
 

dhartmann34

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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef!!


I love this thread.

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SquirrelyDave

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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef!!


I love this thread.

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What do you call a cow with two legs?


Lean beef!
 

robrandalgz

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I know this is a dad joke thread but I'll share the first dirty joke my mom ever told me. I was 7.

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The taste.

She failed to tell me that that joke should stay between us. I told the joke to my classroom during "share time". I found myself (and my mom) in the principal's office that afternoon.
 

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