The dad joke thread

ttucliffhanger

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Ok, last one...

Why do seagulls fly over the ocean? Because if they flew over the bay, we'd call them bagels.
 

J.B. Cobb III

I can’t… I have kids!
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My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet...
It really made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe leannnnnnn....
 

J.B. Cobb III

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My uncle was in a band called The Hinges. They opened for The Doors.
 

Snowman

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I'm pretty proud of myself. I just finished a jigsaw puzzle that was labeled "3 to 5 years" on the box. It only took me a couple months!
 

Scott F

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What did Buddha say to the hot dog vendor? “Make me one with everything “
 

J.B. Cobb III

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All Swedish battleships have a UPC code stamped on their hull. This helps when they return to port so they can Scandinavian.🇸🇪
 

RealPretendPsychic

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GraniteRoost

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J.B. Cobb III

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What weighs more? A gallon of water or a gallon of butane? Water. Butane is a lighter fluid.
 

J.B. Cobb III

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Did you know Bruce Lee has a faster older brother? Sudden Lee.
 

J.B. Cobb III

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My daughter wanted a bouncy castle for her birthday. The guy said the rental was $50, and the set-up fee was $1000 dollars.
I said, “That’s outrageous!” He just shrugged and said, “That’s inflation for you.”
 

MattyD-MPLS

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would you forget me in a second? No
would you forget me in a minute? No
would you forget me in a hour?
would you forget me in a day? No
would you forget me in a month? No

Knock knock
Who’s there?

you forgot me already?
 

fairwaynut

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What do you call it when you mix alcohol and American Literature?

Tequila Mockingbird.
 

Reframmellator

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What did the janitor yell when she jumped out of the closet?

"SUPPLIES!!!"
 

Achilles515

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I read up quite a ways and didn't see this one so I'm disappointed.

Q: Where do you keep all your dad jokes?

A: In a Dad a base.

Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk
 

J.B. Cobb III

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My house got robbed and the only item missing was my limbo set! I thought to myself..how low can these guys go?
 

fairwaynut

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Did you hear about the man who fell into the upholstery machine?

He's fully recovered now.
 

mulegolf

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When I was a small boy, my dad asked me as we were passing a cemetery, "How many do you think are dead in that cemetery?" I said, I didn't know but there must be many. He said, "All of them are dead."
 

J.B. Cobb III

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Why can't pirates finish the alphabet? They get lost at C.
 

fairwaynut

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I've got some racing geese for sale.

Let me know if you want a quick gander.
 

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