People I Can Do Without On The Golf Course

I try to be a pretty patient guy, I’ve got 2 young daughters that are very helpful in making sure that my patience is tested on a fairly regular basis, so rarely do I let things get me too riled up. I have one release in the summer time, and that is my time on the golf course. I get out there and for the next 4 to 5 hours nothing is going to get me too worked up, even the occasional water ball or triple bogey. I’m really trying to get that patience incorporated into my golf game more and more and for the most part I feel that I’ve been fairly successful in this venture. Now, having said all that, there are still a few things that just absolutely drive me nuts out on the golf course.
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I will give you a hint; pace of play is NOT on this list. Here’s my theory on pace of play, every minute you’re not on the golf course where do you wish you were? Exactly, on the golf course! So what if you get behind someone who might be a little slow out there, if they’re trying and they just might not be as good or as fast as you’d like, so what? I say there are a lot of other things you could be getting fired up about other than someone who doesn’t speed around the course in 3 hours flat. Engage in some conversation with your fellow golfers, have a seat and relax a bit, get your driver out and take a few practice swings on the next tee to try to get that timing and tempo resolved before hitting your next duck hook into the drink, if there is not a group behind you, putt a few practice putts on the green before going to the next tee box only to sit and wait impatiently. In my experience getting worked up over the pace of the group in front of you doesn’t help matters any, if anything, it just makes matters worse and you end up getting yourself all fired up over something you have no control over. If it is real bad, seek out the marshal and ask them to go attempt to speed them up a bit.

So without further ado, here is my own personal list of people I can simply do without during my round of golf: **Disclaimer- some of my list will consist of things that some of my regular playing partners routinely do, if you’re reading this and we play together don’t be mad, instead stop it!**

Mulligan Guy:
Really? Another mulligan? I don’t think so pal, we’re playing a game that has a set of rules defined for a reason. You don’t need to drop a ball and take your 4th mulligan; we’re on the 3rd hole for crying out loud! 1 mulligan off the first tee IF we didn’t get a chance to warm up and there’s not a line behind us waiting to start their round as well? Sure, but let’s leave it at that and follow the dang rules OK bud?

Mr. This Putt is for the Masters Win Guy:
Read the putt, please do. But do you really think you need to analyze every blade of grass between yourself and the hole on every putt? Take a little time while I’m going through my routine, but once I putt and it’s your turn- please be ready to putt the ball, OK? Every putt is not for the Masters win, nor is it to qualify you for the U.S. Open. We’re all trying, sure, but let’s just try to do this routine in a little less annoying and time consuming fashion shall we?

The ball retriever user:
Not when I’m waiting on the tee or fairway behind you, ok? ‘Nuff said.

The way too quick to declare a golf ball lost guy:
Now this works two ways, see below. But the rules of golf allow you 5 minutes to search for a ball, if there’s a reasonable chance that your (or my) ball is in play; let’s try to find it, huh? It drives me nuts when we’re at my club that has some rather deep rough and you make a quick drive past where you think it might be and declare it lost. Don’t mind me, I’m going to try to find the ball, yours or mine, it just makes sense. Within reason, why not try to walk a few yards further or back just a bit to be sure you absolutely cannot find the ball before declaring it lost. Oh, and once you can’t find it, the rule clearly states that you return to the point of your last stroke and hit again.

The guy who searches for his ball as if it’s made of gold:
5 minutes man. That’s the rule, you search for the ball for 5 minutes and at point, let it go, it’s gone. Most local rules will say to search for 3 minutes in an attempt for maintain pace of play, you on the other hand have a search party needing a shave it’s been so long. Look, I hate when I lose my ball when I’m certain that it should be right here too, but 5 minutes is up bud drive back and hit it again.

The Magician:
Here’s a guy that always seems to get that lucky bounce as his ball is steaming straight for the O.B., magically he got yet another great break and this ball stayed out of the hazard. It’s usually no coincidence that the magician happens to own the fastest cart on the course too. Funny how that works when you’re the first to arrive on scene and well I’ll be dipped, the ball is safe AGAIN! The magicians get more good breaks over the course of 18 holes than most of us have had in an entire lifetime, is this guy really that lucky? I think the answer is no…but I’m not one to accuse anyone of anything!

The blind squirrel:
When you hit your ball, please try your best to follow the approximate line it was on so that when you go to find it and hit again you have at least some clue which direction it might be. I usually have a hard enough time finding my own ball; I don’t really want to have to walk each member of my group around the course helping them find their ball shot after shot. I can understand that occasionally you might lose track, but every single shot!? This is getting to be a bit annoying here!

The poser:
We’ve all seen this guy, brand new set of blade irons, the brand new R9 driver, 3 wood, 5 wood, the Vokey wedges, the Scotty Cameron putter. All of this wrapped up nicely in a big fat staff bag, probably with his name on it. He’s decked out in the latest golf fashion as well, from the practice green the guy looks like he’s straight off the fairways of the PGA Tour. You get up to the tee and think, “man I’m really in for it today, this guy is a gamer” then he tees up that Pro V1, swings the club and you’re completely in shock. Turns out the dude has the gear of a tour pro, but has the game of a person who has never picked up a club in their life. What all this tells me is that it’s clear this person just has too much money and figured they could buy themselves a game. Well guess what pal, it doesn’t work that way so why don’t you go spend some of that money on a lesson….wait, make that several lessons. On second hand, don’t do that, let’s up the ante a bit on this skins game, shall we?

Mr. Temper Tantrum:
This one is touchy for me; see I have this uncle who is one hell of a guy right? He’s always in a pretty good mood and quick to drop a one-liner or a (usually off color) joke that’ll normally crack you up. I love being around him. This is the very uncle who took me out for my first round of golf, so I would never in my life NOT join him for a round, but man do you really have to get so mad? We’ve all seen these players so it’s nothing new to anyone. They expect every single shot to be as crisp as a Tiger Woods stinger and when it’s not….”*%$@!*” oh boy, here comes the putter throw!! Really? This cannot be healthy for anyone to get his stinking mad several times throughout the course of a round of golf. Not only are you increasing your blood pressure, but you’re also embarrassing yourself and me at the same time. I’ll be the first to admit….there was a time where it might have looked like I was heading down this very path, I’d expect greatness and when I didn’t live up to it I would become outwardly frustrated, now save for a few “f-bombs” here and there I’m much more tame on the course, I have realized that there are much more serious matters to get so emotional over, golf is now my outlet. Smile and have some fun! IT’S A GAME!!!

I could probably go on a little bit longer, but I like where we’re leaving off here. Golf is a game ladies and gentlemen. It is a game that I grew up playing with my dad and steaming mad uncle and I wouldn’t change that for anything. I have had some of my favorite times out on a golf course with my dad, now that my kids are getting a little older I’ll occasionally bring one of them and then it becomes even more special to me. There is nothing quite like playing a round of golf with your dad and your young daughter all 3 sharing a cart, and at the turn getting to have Skittles and a soda pop. I have developed some great friendships over the years, friends that I cherish more than any golf club or amount of money. Give me a foursome of myself and 3 of my buddies, a nice summer day, and a good golf course, and I’m as happy as anyone in the world at that given moment. It might sound a bit odd but maybe, just maybe I love these people on this list as much as I loathe them. I know one thing is for sure, if golf didn’t exist without the people that make up this list, then I say bring em on! I’d much rather play with people like this every day than not get to play at all!!!

Here is to keeping it in the short grass

Jason K.

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Jason Kunze
Jason is a busy husband and father of 2 daughters who are both just starting to take up the game that he has loved for years. Golf is his passion, when Jason is not playing golf and testing equipment he's hanging out with all his friends on the THP forum discussing every aspect of this great game.
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