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Chuch Norris Jokes

johnday

johnday

Your everyday 4J
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The title says it all...
Nobody is perfect. Chuck Norris is nobody.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity... Twice.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
I know many more... I'll keep it like this for now though. Post what you know!
 
When Chuck Norris does push ups he doesn't push his body up instead he pushes the earth away.
 
i'd knock chuck norris out! then me and P4B would put the boots to him, tie him up and shave that beard. then we'd throw him into the bear trap and yell: RAWR!!!!!!!!
 
tcalloway1 said:
i'd knock chuck norris out! then me and P4B would put the boots to him, tie him up and shave that beard. then we'd throw him into the bear trap and yell: RAWR!!!!!!!!
Click to expand...

Hmmm.... Scary...
 
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer unfortunately he has never cried
Chuck Norris speaks two languages Block and KILL
 
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in squeezeably soft.

Kevin

chucknorristoiletpaperzh71.jpg
 
When Chuck Norris was in Little League, he bunted a 480 foot home run.

It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

There is no such thing as tornadoes. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
 
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
After a night of drinking, Chuck Norris doesn't throw up, he throws down.
 
Chuck Norris thinks it's 2005 again and he wants his joke back.
 
Chuck Norris does not eat honey, he chew on bees.
 
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a condom, because there is no protection from Chuck Norris
 
tcalloway1 said:
i'd knock chuck norris out! then me and P4B would put the boots to him, tie him up and shave that beard. then we'd throw him into the bear trap and yell: RAWR!!!!!!!!
Click to expand...

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Did you hear that Chuck Norris is suing Law & Order?

Spoiler
Those are the trademark names for his right and left legs
 
Chuck Norris died once, but he got over it.
 
Here's one I heard about at work last night...

-Go to Google
-Type in 'find Chuck Norris' (without the quotes)
-Click on "I'm Feeling Lucky"
 
^^^ That is AWESOME!
 
Chuck Norris CAN see Lady Gaga's poker face
 
I know I'm beating a dead horse bringing an old thread back from the dead, but this was too good not to share...

Seen this as someone's signature in another golf forum:

"When Chuck Norris puts spin on the ball, the ball does not hit the green and then spin back, the ball hits the green and the world spins forward."
 
ken419 said:
Here's one I heard about at work last night...

-Go to Google
-Type in 'find Chuck Norris' (without the quotes)
-Click on "I'm Feeling Lucky"
Click to expand...

Absolute Greatness. Google rocks!
 
This is from @ChuckNorriz on twitter:

#ChuckNorriz once punched a man in his soul.

When the cops stop #ChuckNorriz he reads them THEY'RE rights!

#ChuckNorriz does not love Raymond.

#ChuckNorriz sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

#ChuckNorriz is not the Jack of all trades. Jack is the #ChuckNorriz of all trades.

There's no @ before #Chucknorriz's twitter name, there is only a fist!

#ChuckNorriz had a comic book deal with DC, but it was cancelled because he has no weaknesses.

#ChuckNorriz can divide by zero.

#ChuckNorriz can find 27 ways of killing you in your room. including the room itself.

Jesus can walk on water but #ChuckNorriz can swim through land.

#ChuckNorriz doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

#ChuckNorriz can slam shut a revolving door.

#ChuckNorriz' hand is the only hand that beats a Royal Flush.
 
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
 
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
 
Chuck Norris is the only person to really have "Birthdays". The rest of us have "Thank you Chuck for allowing me to live another year- days".

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the hell down.
 
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