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Parenting Thread

DevRickus said:
I knew it was your daughter, just left off the s like a dummy. I fixed it but you were too quick. My kid hates snuggling. It makes my wife sad.. haha
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I must have tunnel vision because I didn't even notice!
 
Anybody else's kid have some trouble after you had a second one? Not like setting fires type of trouble, but sort of regressing a bit, getting into trouble at pre-school, not listenting, etc? How long did it last and did you do anything to make it better?

I feel awful for my boy right now because I think he's struggling a bit. I almost feel bad punishing him because it's very uncharacteristic of him and I know it's just a little cry for attention. Trying to give him some goals to reach with the prize of him and I going out to do some special things on the weekends, but I hate the situation. He's always really sweet to his baby sister, but I know something's not right in his head.
 
Hawk said:
Anybody else's kid have some trouble after you had a second one? Not like setting fires type of trouble, but sort of regressing a bit, getting into trouble at pre-school, not listenting, etc? How long did it last and did you do anything to make it better?

I feel awful for my boy right now because I think he's struggling a bit. I almost feel bad punishing him because it's very uncharacteristic of him and I know it's just a little cry for attention. Trying to give him some goals to reach with the prize of him and I going out to do some special things on the weekends, but I hate the situation. He's always really sweet to his baby sister, but I know something's not right in his head.
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My daughter is slightly younger than your boy, but we have had similar issues. Regressed a bit, a lot of attention seeking, and what not. She has gotten better as the month have gone on though, but there was definitely an adjustment period.
 
Dammit. The old 'time heals all wounds' thing lol. I figured as much. I'm really going to try the positive reinforcement here and see if we can make that work.
 
Time for a heart to heart, my 2 are always asking who is my favorite?? To which I always answer neither I love you both the same, However kids need structured discipline I hate telling my 2 off but needs must, try spending 1/2 hour before bed with him on something what he wants to do but explain that his special time has to be earned. Kids need boundaries but they are always going to try and push them, we as parents cant allow them to.
 
That's sort of what I was thinking boss. He's had two weekends now that were basically shot because I felt like I had to address behavior with him. At the same time, I want to give him something to work towards with a decent payoff. We still have done things with just him in the last month, but I'm thinking we may need to do a little more.
 
Maybe you need to look at how you and your partner are with the younger one, I say this because of something my dad said to me which I will never forgive him for. "you never love your second like you love your first" explains why he left me with an abusive step-dad and rescued my sister guess who was the second, The other reason I say this is my mum with out realizing she does this when a new baby is born into the family she inadvertently ignores all her other grand-kids, maybe he feels like you treat them different??? it's a hard situation but with out being able to see what you boy sees its hard to say, maybe ask him if something bothers him.
 
Hawk said:
Dammit. The old 'time heals all wounds' thing lol. I figured as much. I'm really going to try the positive reinforcement here and see if we can make that work.
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When my son was born, my daughter became quite attached to me. So, we started doing things together just her and I. When my wife would be with the little guy, I would find something to do with my daughter to make her not feel left out. Also, we asked her to help a lot as well. She would go get diapers, wipes, toys, etc for him.
 
Thanks guys. Always nice to hear you're not the only one :D
 
Hawk said:
Anybody else's kid have some trouble after you had a second one? Not like setting fires type of trouble, but sort of regressing a bit, getting into trouble at pre-school, not listenting, etc? How long did it last and did you do anything to make it better?

I feel awful for my boy right now because I think he's struggling a bit. I almost feel bad punishing him because it's very uncharacteristic of him and I know it's just a little cry for attention. Trying to give him some goals to reach with the prize of him and I going out to do some special things on the weekends, but I hate the situation. He's always really sweet to his baby sister, but I know something's not right in his head.
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been there, might even still be there buddy. big difference between #1 and #2, 2 different types of personalities. Like War suggested, just making sure everyone is included in everything that you do, as much as possible really does help make a difference.
 
We do still have our bro time, but I'm thinking it's the little things. We normally pal around for the last 30 mintues or so before bed, but now it seems like half the time I have her in one arm and I'm trying to keep him quiet so she'll fall asleep instead. I know it's temporary though. Once she's a little less time intensive it'll come around.
 
Hawk said:
That's sort of what I was thinking boss. He's had two weekends now that were basically shot because I felt like I had to address behavior with him. At the same time, I want to give him something to work towards with a decent payoff. We still have done things with just him in the last month, but I'm thinking we may need to do a little more.
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Here is some professional advice we were given regarding behavioral modification and kids .... instead of doing punishments (what comes more naturally to my old school brain) have him work toward rewards and make the increment for whatever the expectation is small at first so he can achieve it. Then gradually increase what he needs to do to reach the reward. The increase can be a longer duration of the original expectation (e.g., 2 hours of X instead of 1 hour) or it can be multiples of the expectation (e.g., any two instances of 1 hour of X). If you find he can't reach the reward (even if you think it is already small enough that he should reach it), decrease the expectancy until he does reach it. If you get to the point where you are doing multiple instances of the expectation it can be very helpful to have a visual aid present where he can see his progress.
 
Yup , sounds like the oldest young hawkster is craving Mom and Dads attention. He's probably feeling a little abandoned.
 
tequila4kapp said:
Here is some professional advice we were given regarding behavioral modification and kids .... instead of doing punishments (what comes more naturally to my old school brain) have him work toward rewards and make the increment for whatever the expectation is small at first so he can achieve it. Then gradually increase what he needs to do to reach the reward. The increase can be a longer duration of the original expectation (e.g., 2 hours of X instead of 1 hour) or it can be multiples of the expectation (e.g., any two instances of 1 hour of X). If you find he can't reach the reward (even if you think it is already small enough that he should reach it), decrease the expectancy until he does reach it. If you get to the point where you are doing multiple instances of the expectation it can be very helpful to have a visual aid present where he can see his progress.
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I like that. Sort of what I thought I'd try to today. One good day at pre-school equals him and I going to dinner tonight, which is something he likes to do. Then if he can keep it up we'll go do something a little more exciting on the weekend. Thanks for that!
 
Hawk said:
I like that. Sort of what I thought I'd try to today. One good day at pre-school equals him and I going to dinner tonight, which is something he likes to do. Then if he can keep it up we'll go do something a little more exciting on the weekend. Thanks for that!
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Yep. And if he can't do a whole day then maybe work with the PS to have them give you morning and afternoon reports, and set the expectation that he has one good half day report, etc. If he can't do that then decrease the duration even more and see if you can get the PS to work with you by administering some type of reward themselves on your behalf. (I forgot to mention, especially with the younger kids, there needs to be a tight correlation time-wise between the achievement and reward. For example, if he has a good morning but doesn't get the reward until that night he may not make the connection, in which case the benefits of the entire exercise are diminished). Some places may resist this, saying they don't want to be seen as playing favorites with one child in front of the others, etc. Be creative and politely persistent. I think we got our PS to agree to it by having a very small reward given in private (I'm not remembering this part properly but something like that.)

The good news is he's got good parents, so he's got a leg up. It will work out. Hang in there.
 
Thanks t4k. One great thing about kids is that everything eventually passes. Been telling myself that a bit more in the last month :)
 
The one thing we tried to do with both of our kids is to get them involved in the rewards and the punishment. We found that of they were part of the discussion (ahead of time) then they could take some ownership to the ups and downs. But I feel like the new addition is adding stress to his feeling like he matters and is just as important as the young lady in the house.
 
T2GRN18 said:
The one thing we tried to do with both of our kids is to get them involved in the rewards and the punishment. We found that of they were part of the discussion (ahead of time) then they could take some ownership to the ups and downs. But I feel like the new addition is adding stress to his feeling like he matters and is just as important as the young lady in the house.
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I like that too! You guys rule.

He's definitely feeling a bit forgotten, even though he certainly hasn't been. Gotta try to put myself in his shoes though. If Erica brought home a cuter, younger version of me I'd probably have a complex hehehe
 
Hawk said:
I like that too! You guys rule.

He's definitely feeling a bit forgotten, even though he certainly hasn't been. Gotta try to put myself in his shoes though. If Erica brought home a cuter, younger version of me I'd probably have a complex hehehe
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I'd just ask if he had a younger sister.
 
Hawk said:
Dammit. The old 'time heals all wounds' thing lol. I figured as much. I'm really going to try the positive reinforcement here and see if we can make that work.
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That's one of the toughest pills to swallow when it comes to my two kids, I just want to fix it right now, not wait!!!
 
Hawk said:
Here's my little fireball.

zy7yme7u.jpg
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How in the world did I miss this picture. She's a beauty Ryan, pretty darn special right there.
 
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