The dad joke thread

fairwaynut

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Was is the sky so unhappy?

It has the blues.
 

UberPete

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Blessed are the constipated... For they don't give a ****! :egyptian:
 

donny475

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When you see the duck flying over head, Do you know why one side in the "V" is longer than the other?

There are more ducks on that side.....
 
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UberPete

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People who confuse "burro" with "burrow" don't know their ass from a hole in the ground!
 

fairwaynut

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What do you call a cow that just had a baby?

Decalfinated.
 

UberPete

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What's the best way to cook alligator?

In a Croc-Pot!! :joy:
 

UberPete

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It turns out when you are asked which child is your favourite, you are supposed to pick one of your own...
 

Reframmellator

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I'd like to thank student loans for getting my kids through college.

I don't think I can ever repay you.
 

UberPete

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Wouldn't it be ironic if Popeye's Chicken was fried in Olive Oil?
 

fairwaynut

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Why did the candle quit his job?

Wait for it..........................................;)

He was burned out. :laughing:
 

Snickerdog

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J.B. Cobb III

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Just got offered a job teaching poetry in prison. Spent all night thinking about the prose and cons.
 

UberPete

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I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eye. Now I have Heintzsight!:glasses-nerdy:
 

UberPete

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I ran out of toilet paper, and am now using lettuce leaves.

Today was the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen!
 

UberPete

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I've started investing in stocks: beef, chicken.. vegetable...

One day, I hope to be a bouillonaire.:hungry:
 

UberPete

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Staying on the cow theme...
If a cow doesn't produce milk is it a milk dud or an udder failure?
 
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UberPete

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Why do some older ladies have so many cats?

Drumroll please....

They are experiencing many paws! :joy:
 

fairwaynut

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What did the red light say to the green light?

Don't look, I'm changing.
 

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