Why didn't the ghost come to the dance?
Because he had no-body to go with him.
Because he had no-body to go with him.
The dad joke thread
Entomologists bug me.
Did you hear the one about the two beavers who were standing by a tree?
One beaver says to the other, "Well, do you think it will work?"
The other replies back, "Give me a minute, I gotta chew on it for awhile."
One beaver says to the other, "Well, do you think it will work?"
The other replies back, "Give me a minute, I gotta chew on it for awhile."
Why do cow wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
Because their horns don't work.
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight? There would be mass confusion!
I'm so irritated with my neighbor today, he kept playing Lionel Richie songs at full blast. Normally I wouldn't mind... but it was All Night Long!
You know diarrhea is hereditary, right?
it runs in the jeans...
it runs in the jeans...
What is a circuit board's favorite snack?
Computer chips.
Computer chips.
Lance is not a very common name anymore. Back in medieval times people were named Lance a lot.
What did the buffalo say when his son left?
Bison.
Bison.
A Pirate walks into a bar. Bartender says, What's with the steering wheel sticking out of your fly? "Arrrgh, it's been drive'n me nuts all day"
Today, a girl said she recognized me from the vegetarians club.
But I never met herbivore.
But I never met herbivore.
The dairy farmer's family got so sick from COVID they couldn't milk the cows. It was udder chaos.
I gave all my dead batteries away.....
They were free of charge!!!
They were free of charge!!!
I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anaesthetic? He said: “Sure, knock yourself out!”
2 years ago my doctor told me I’d go deaf!!!
I haven’t heard from him since.
I haven’t heard from him since.
My wife thinks I need to lose weight, so she's locked up the bagels.
They're now bread in captivity.
They're now bread in captivity.
Do dolphins ever do anything by accident?
No, everything is on porpoise.
No, everything is on porpoise.
A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb. He just can't part with it.
Two drunk guys were fighting. One of them drew a line in the dirt, and said if the other crossed it they would punch them in the face. That was the punchline!
Today I spotted an albino Dalmatian. It was the least I could do for him.