The dad joke thread

fairwaynut

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Why didn't the ghost come to the dance?

Because he had no-body to go with him.
 

Reframmellator

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Entomologists bug me.
 

fairwaynut

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Did you hear the one about the two beavers who were standing by a tree?

One beaver says to the other, "Well, do you think it will work?"

The other replies back, "Give me a minute, I gotta chew on it for awhile."
 

fairwaynut

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Why do cow wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.
 

donny475

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A doe walks out of the woods and says, "Thats the last time i do that for two bucks'
 

donny475

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what has 2 butts and kills people, an Assassin
 

J.B. Cobb III

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Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight? There would be mass confusion!
 

J.B. Cobb III

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I'm so irritated with my neighbor today, he kept playing Lionel Richie songs at full blast. Normally I wouldn't mind... but it was All Night Long!
 

fairwaynut

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What is a circuit board's favorite snack?

Computer chips.
 

donny475

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A Friend gave birth on the way to the hospital, so the dad named him Carson.

If this not the best Dad joke ever i don't know what is....
 

Tywithay

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Lance is not a very common name anymore. Back in medieval times people were named Lance a lot.
 

fairwaynut

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What did the buffalo say when his son left?

Bison.
 

fairwaynut

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Today, a girl said she recognized me from the vegetarians club.

But I never met herbivore.
 

Reframmellator

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The dairy farmer's family got so sick from COVID they couldn't milk the cows. It was udder chaos.
 

fairwaynut

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I gave all my dead batteries away.....

They were free of charge!!!
 

J.B. Cobb III

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I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anaesthetic? He said: “Sure, knock yourself out!”
 

J.B. Cobb III

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2 years ago my doctor told me I’d go deaf!!!
I haven’t heard from him since.
 

Reframmellator

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My wife thinks I need to lose weight, so she's locked up the bagels.

They're now bread in captivity.
 

fairwaynut

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Do dolphins ever do anything by accident?

No, everything is on porpoise.
 

J.B. Cobb III

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A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb. He just can't part with it.
 

J.B. Cobb III

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Two drunk guys were fighting. One of them drew a line in the dirt, and said if the other crossed it they would punch them in the face. That was the punchline!
 

J.B. Cobb III

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Today I spotted an albino Dalmatian. It was the least I could do for him.
 

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