Why wife (fiance) hold the key...

[TheDoctor]

I haven't played a lot of golf this year, but whenever it has been mentioned I have always checked with the other half to make sure she hasn't organised anything without telling me (which is usually unlikely as we tend to discuss most things to do with social events etc)

One big plus is my other half and the wife of the mate who I tend to have a round with are good friends so they tend to go out while we play golf and then we usually meet up after the round somewhere for lunch or a drink - win win all round really

She has always said she would never stop me doing things if I wanted to, and it also means that she has her own time as well

 

[Smallville]

Ellen doesn't care when I go as long as it doesn't break plans with her. We are getting married this Saturday and I don't see it changing.

Do you think you could get away on Saturday to golf? hehehe


Jacqui works at the golf course, and she likes to golf on her days off, weather permitting.

 

[tequila4kapp]

I don't view it as my wife having control. I view it as respecting the relationship and just running it up the tower. I can play when ever I want. But leaving her with both kids every weekend just makes me a bad husband and father. So out of respect to her and our relationship, I ask. It goes a long way plus it's the right thing to do, in my house anyway.

Winner winner chicken dinner.

 

[tequila4kapp]

Just as I would expect my wife to discuss with me if she was going to do something that costs money and takes 4 or so hours.

And this one, too. The Golden Rule works wonders, both in life and in marriage.

 

[KellyBo]

Some really good answers in here! I love golf so it makes it easy for us but OG has an obsession with golf that could easily cause a relationship problem for us if I didn't play and understand the passion. For instance, Dawgdaddy mentioned above that Lynne just lets him know when she needs him to do something with her. Knowing both of them like I do, I know without a doubt that he puts his family first but plays a lot of golf too. OG will do the same but I used to sense a bit of resentment if I had plans that made him miss his Saturday round with the guys. That day was almost sacred with him and I hated the fact that I couldn't plan anything for us that day. Of course, that kind of thing would make the wife resent the golf more. Family first makes for a happy family.

 

[TheDoctor]

Some really good answers in here! I love golf so it makes it easy for us but OG has an obsession with golf that could easily cause a relationship problem for us if I didn't play and understand the passion. For instance, Dawgdaddy mentioned above that Lynne just lets him know when she needs him to do something with her. Knowing both of them like I do, I know without a doubt that he puts his family first but plays a lot of golf too. OG will do the same but I used to sense a bit of resentment if I had plans that made him miss his Saturday round with the guys. That day was almost sacred with him and I hated the fact that I couldn't plan anything for us that day. Of course, that kind of thing would make the wife resent the golf more. Family first makes for a happy family.

I agree completely with what you said, but especially the bit I have highlighted

Life will always require a compromise somewhere along the line, but if you can manage that then there is no reason why you can't both do what you want/love at the end of the day

 

[Xarraan]

Do you think you could get away on Saturday to golf? hehehe


Jacqui works at the golf course, and she likes to golf on her days off, weather permitting.

Funny enough she asked me if the weather works out if i was going to try and get 9 in before the wedding.

 

[rollin]

This can certainly turn into a touchy subject.

"women marry you and then spend the rest of thier life trying to change you"

They are like a deck of cards. - "You nead a heart to love um, a diamond to marry um, a club to hit um over the head, and a spade to burry um.

My apologies for a long post. But all kidding aside. wether your a man or a woman I think when it comes to money and the time it takes to golf are legitimate reasons for a spouse to have an opinion and voice it.

However with that said and besides those reasons. It is unfortunate and a catch 22, but i believe in most cases when a man allows a wife to dictate then that wife loses respect for her man. You see, if a husband does all the wife wants and all in her ways she will not respect him because he is now not a man anymore. I love my wife dearly and would step in front of a train for her but I've learned as a husband ( as long as i am responsible) that one must unfortunately mainatin and insist on not always listening and unfortunately do what you have to do anyway because even though it may cause a fight/argument it will result in continued respect for you as a husband and as a dad and a man.

Have you ever been around a couple of any age and especially an older couple where the wife goes as far as to actually answer all the questions one may actually be asking to the man? Or a guy who has to check before he does anything at all? Even minor rediculous things of little signifigance are dictated by the wife like where , when, how he'll be doing things. How about a guy who does something he wants but then has to pay some sort of pennence? what kind of crap is that? Its sad when I see that. It is the result of a relationship where that wife ran and runs his life and is soooo disrespectful to see how he is a second class citizen who walks on eggshells in his own home.

I just cant ever allow that to ever happen. I use to do do it when first married. I'm easy going and want to please and i think most men are guilty of that too but then realized where it was all heading and the loss of respect it results in so I changed things around a bit some years ago. Again, i love my wife dearly but I had to and still have to unfortunately at times just say "hey, thats the way it is, too bad if you dont like it" . This may sound mean and is unfortunate and I dont even like to do it but one has be this way because the alternative is much worse. As long as i am responsible father/husband that can put his head on his pillow at night knowing I've done "OK" I will never walk around on eggshells in my own home. Since i've made such changes years ago I've never had to walk around like that and our relationship has always been better off.

As far as being fair with golf, i take care of all my houshold, and fatherly obligations. I dont and cant go to expensive private courses, Heck i just bought new clubs first time in 10 years And 95% my golf is very early morning and usually home before i nead to get anywhwre. So there are ways to do it that can ease the burden of a legitimate time and money arguement.

 

[JB]

I'm glad it works for you buddy, but I disagree with a lot of what is said above.

 

[Trout Bum]

Why do they have the power to let us golf or not golf? I never thought I'd be in this predicament and it upsets me that in have to get permission /be allowed to golf

I think it's different for everybody jimny, there are some great posts here and lots of wisdom and experience.. My wife and I didn't get married til later in life so there's plenty of space and freedom in our marriage for things such as golf, travel, or shopping, as long as the finances allow for it. Permission is not needed, we both pretty much feel that if you want to do it, go do it and have fun. We also each have an allowance every month and can use it however we wish, she likes Wine country so she saves for that and I like to fish and golf and I save for that lol, makes for a ton of fun and no hostages in our marriage lol. Enjoy life dude it's too short, but plan for the future in case you guys need it.

 

[mikedean441]

This can certainly turn into a touchy subject.

"women marry you and then spend the rest of thier life trying to change you"

They are like a deck of cards. - "You nead a heart to love um, a diamond to marry um, a club to hit um over the head, and a spade to burry um.

My apologies for a long post. But all kidding aside. wether your a man or a woman I think when it comes to money and the time it takes to golf are legitimate reasons for a spouse to have an opinion and voice it.

However with that said and besides those reasons. It is unfortunate and a catch 22, but i believe in most cases when a man allows a wife to dictate then that wife loses respect for her man. You see, if a husband does all the wife wants and all in her ways she will not respect him because he is now not a man anymore. I love my wife dearly and would step in front of a train for her but I've learned as a husband ( as long as i am responsible) that one must unfortunately mainatin and insist on not always listening and unfortunately do what you have to do anyway because even though it may cause a fight/argument it will result in continued respect for you as a husband and as a dad and a man.

Have you ever been around a couple of any age and especially an older couple where the wife goes as far as to actually answer all the questions one may actually be asking to the man? Or a guy who has to check before he does anything at all? Even minor rediculous things of little signifigance are dictated by the wife like where , when, how he'll be doing things. How about a guy who does something he wants but then has to pay some sort of pennence? what kind of crap is that? Its sad when I see that. It is the result of a relationship where that wife ran and runs his life and is soooo disrespectful to see how he is a second class citizen who walks on eggshells in his own home.

I just cant ever allow that to ever happen. I use to do do it when first married. I'm easy going and want to please and i think most men are guilty of that too but then realized where it was all heading and the loss of respect it results in so I changed things around a bit some years ago. Again, i love my wife dearly but I had to and still have to unfortunately at times just say "hey, thats the way it is, too bad if you dont like it" . This may sound mean and is unfortunate and I dont even like to do it but one has be this way because the alternative is much worse. As long as i am responsible father/husband that can put his head on his pillow at night knowing I've done "OK" I will never walk around on eggshells in my own home. Since i've made such changes years ago I've never had to walk around like that and our relationship has always been better off.



As far as being fair with golf, i take care of all my houshold, and fatherly obligations. I dont and cant go to expensive private courses, Heck i just bought new clubs first time in 10 years And 95% my golf is very early morning and usually home before i nead to get anywhwre. So there are ways to do it that can ease the burden of a legitimate time and money arguement.

Im going to have to side with JB on this one, especially when you mention the bolded, im pretty sure thats not how 99.9% of marriages work

 

[blugold]

WTC was that.

I guess I'm less of a man because I run things by my wife, just to make sure I am not inconviencing her for selfish reasons.

 

[KellyBo]

Im going to have to side with JB on this one, especially when you mention the bolded, im pretty sure thats not how 99.9% of marriages work

My past marriage pretty much worked like that.

 

[McRock]

I could give you the reason, but this is a family friendly forum.

As a solution, my wife lets me golf quite a bit, just so long as I willingly, and without being asked, spend time with her through the week when I'm not golfing. For me, it is that simple.

~Rock

 

[rollin]

I'm glad it works for you buddy, but I disagree with a lot of what is said above.

yea I'm sure this could stirr up sa little controversy.LOL

I also dont mean to say all women are this way because i know they are not, But something I feel i have seen happen too often and started to experience myself. And as mentioned pertaining to all i stated above I also believe a husband has to also be responsible and with that said it does work two ways.

Also want to say i Hope my post wasnt offensive to anyone. My apologies if it is

 

[blugold]

I could give you the reason, but this is a family friendly forum.

As a solution, my wife lets me golf quite a bit, just so long as I willingly, and without being asked, spend time with her through the week when I'm not golfing. For me, it is that simple.

~Rock

I will go out on that limb.

The real answer is boobs. They have them, we like them.

 

[TheDoctor]

Sorry, rollin, but I have to side with JB and blugold (and I meant your first post, not the second one you posted while I was typing this.....lol) on this one as well

 

[Ole Gray]

I'm staying out of this thread and heading to the golf course :bulgy-eyes:. I'm due to whup some on men's arse and take em to the woodshed :deadhorse:

 

[KellyBo]

yea I'm sure this could stirr up sa little controversy.LOL

I also dont mean to say all women are this way because i know they are not, But something I feel i have seen happen too often and started to experience myself. And as mentioned pertaining to all i stated above I also believe a husband has to also be responsible and with that said it does work two ways.

Also want to say i Hope my post wasnt offensive to anyone. My apologies if it is

No offense here. I was married to a controlling person for 19 years before finally saying enough. I know what it is like to have someone try to control what you do with your time. It is AWFUL! In looking back to that marriage, I am certain I had the same attitude.

 

[rollin]

WTC was that.

I guess I'm less of a man because I run things by my wife, just to make sure I am not inconviencing her for selfish reasons.

No I would not say that at all. i put my opinion based on some things I've seen and also from my own experience in early marriage. I too (like you) would more so cater to what my wife wants and how she would like to do things then myself. I just know that i had to put a stop to some of it for the reasons I've mentioned. I was becoming less of a man and starting to walk on eggshells. That doesnt mean you are or that has happened to you. I am sure there are plenty woman who respect thier husbands ither way but i do know there are plenty who dont.

 

[wadesworld]

When you're deciding upon whether she is "the one," one thing you need to evaluate is how needy she is.

Some women are completely independent. They don't mind you going golfing because it gives them time to pursue their interests. However, many more women are more needy. They want to spend their time around you, and feel ignored and unloved if all you think about is doing what you want.

There's a balance there. Encouraging your wife to be independent is a good thing, but it's hard to have a deep and meaningful relationship if both of you spend all your time focused on yourselves. It can become more like you're roommates than married.

When kids enter the picture, it becomes even tougher. Is it really fair for you to say, "I'm going to play 18. You stay home and feed, watch, and entertain the kids. See you in 6 hours." Every once in a while, sure. But every weekend? Or multiple times in a week?

Every married man has thoughts of how cool it would be single again. He thinks, "Man, I could play all the golf I wanted and nobody could say a word." But then you realize how much it sucked to be single when all your friends were married. How every time you saw people together, you wished you had someone to share life with. How much you hate coming home to an empty house every night. As Castor said, although I'd gain some advantages by being single again, I suspect within 2 weeks I'd be thinking, "What have I done?" There's plenty of bad in being married, but there's a lot more good. But, being married requires you giving up some of the freedoms you had. As many said, it's a two-way street.

 

[rollin]

No offense here. I was married to a controlling person for 19 years before finally saying enough. I know what it is like to have someone try to control what you do with your time. It is AWFUL! In looking back to that marriage, I am certain I had the same attitude.

Thats probably the more correct word i should have used. "controlling person" wether it a man or woman is just not good for the couple and can ceratinly result in loss of respect.

 

[rollin]

When you're deciding upon whether she is "the one," one thing you need to evaluate is how needy she is.

Some women are completely independent. They don't mind you going golfing because it gives them time to pursue their interests. However, many more women are more needy. They want to spend their time around you, and feel ignored and unloved if all you think about is doing what you want.

There's a balance there. Encouraging your wife to be independent is a good thing, but it's hard to have a deep and meaningful relationship if both of you spend all your time focused on yourselves. It can become more like you're roommates than married.

When kids enter the picture, it becomes even tougher. Is it really fair for you to say, "I'm going to play 18. You stay home and feed, watch, and entertain the kids. See you in 6 hours." Every once in a while, sure. But every weekend? Or multiple times in a week?

Every married man has thoughts of how cool it would be single again. He thinks, "Man, I could play all the golf I wanted and nobody could say a word." But then you realize how much it sucked to be single when all your friends were married. How every time you saw people together, you wished you had someone to share life with. How much you hate coming home to an empty house every night. As Castor said, although I'd gain some advantages by being single again, I suspect within 2 weeks I'd be thinking, "What have I done?" There's plenty of bad in being married, but there's a lot more good. But, being married requires you giving up some of the freedoms you had. As many said, it's a two-way street.

agree with all said.. it has to be a two way street and resonsibilities have come first in my opinion. As i said earlier i think one has to able to put your head on your pillow at night knowing you have done OK. Thats important to me.

 

[Jman]

I married my best friend, she's more supportive of my golf and more importantly THP than I am sometimes despite not being a golfer herself. That said, marriage is a work together, not a one way street.

 

[Canadan]

Why do they have the power to let us golf or not golf? I never thought I'd be in this predicament and it upsets me that in have to get permission /be allowed to golf

Some more than others, certainly.. I've got a good thing with my wife but she always has the control if she wants it.

Fortunately, she rarely, if ever, wants that control. She's as independent as I am.