The dad joke thread

Junkyard

A Work in Progress
Albatross 2020 Club Albatross 2021 Club
Joined
Jul 15, 2012
Messages
2,625
Reaction score
2,122
Location
Ontario, Canada
Handicap
10.2
Nothing tops a plain pizza :eek:
 

aceinspace

Member
Joined
Aug 10, 2016
Messages
90
Reaction score
49
Location
Sacramento, CA
Handicap
12 to 14
Two guys stole a calendar...

They got 6 months each.
 

ddstanford

Well-known member
Albatross 2020 Club Albatross 2021 Club
Joined
Dec 11, 2019
Messages
1,720
Reaction score
1,026
Location
Colorado
Handicap
9.3
If you want to see who loves you more, lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car for an hour and see who is happier to see you when you let them out.
 

Gman79

Enjoying the adventure we call golf
Albatross 2020 Club Albatross 2021 Club
Joined
Apr 1, 2019
Messages
8,900
Reaction score
5,538
Location
Independence, OH
Handicap
16
What happened to the grape you stepped on?

It let out a little wine!
 

blueonblack

...tears on a river
Joined
Jun 22, 2020
Messages
3,059
Reaction score
1,386
Wife of Pi to Pi:

"You're so irrational!"
 

fairwaynut

Bettinardi Aficionado
Albatross 2020 Club Albatross 2021 Club
Joined
Aug 8, 2019
Messages
5,474
Reaction score
5,029
Location
Naperville, Il
Handicap
SingleMalt
Did you hear about the two Chinese twin brothers who wanted to change their name from Wong to Rite?

While in court the next day standing before the judge listening to him tell them they couldn't change their names from Wong to Rite.

When they asked the judge why, the judge replied, "Two Wongs don't make a Rite."
 

fairwaynut

Bettinardi Aficionado
Albatross 2020 Club Albatross 2021 Club
Joined
Aug 8, 2019
Messages
5,474
Reaction score
5,029
Location
Naperville, Il
Handicap
SingleMalt
What do you call a row of rabbits hopping away?

A receding hare line!!!
 

Snickerdog

Team THP 2019 Grandaddy Alumni
Albatross 2020 Club Albatross 2021 Club
Joined
Dec 8, 2015
Messages
25,988
Reaction score
16,984
Location
KS
Handicap
3.6
What kind of car does an egg drive?


A yokeswagon
 

buckeyewalt

Well-known member
Albatross 2020 Club
Joined
Aug 4, 2011
Messages
4,932
Reaction score
624
Location
Tennessee
Handicap
13
Why did the blonde have a hard time dialing 911???

She couldn't find the eleven!
 

fairwaynut

Bettinardi Aficionado
Albatross 2020 Club Albatross 2021 Club
Joined
Aug 8, 2019
Messages
5,474
Reaction score
5,029
Location
Naperville, Il
Handicap
SingleMalt

Reframmellator

Well-known member
Albatross 2020 Club Albatross 2021 Club
Joined
Feb 11, 2016
Messages
5,056
Reaction score
1,420
Location
Ballston Lake, NY
Handicap
22.0
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday night?

Tell her a joke on Wednesday morning.
 

buckeyewalt

Well-known member
Albatross 2020 Club
Joined
Aug 4, 2011
Messages
4,932
Reaction score
624
Location
Tennessee
Handicap
13
I asked my grandpa after 65 years of marriage, you still call grandma beautiful, darling and honey...what's the secret???

I forgot her name 5 years ago and I'm scared to ask her.
 

fairwaynut

Bettinardi Aficionado
Albatross 2020 Club Albatross 2021 Club
Joined
Aug 8, 2019
Messages
5,474
Reaction score
5,029
Location
Naperville, Il
Handicap
SingleMalt
A furniture store keeps calling me.

All I wanted was one nightstand.
 

fairwaynut

Bettinardi Aficionado
Albatross 2020 Club Albatross 2021 Club
Joined
Aug 8, 2019
Messages
5,474
Reaction score
5,029
Location
Naperville, Il
Handicap
SingleMalt
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey.

But then I turned myself around.
 

fairwaynut

Bettinardi Aficionado
Albatross 2020 Club Albatross 2021 Club
Joined
Aug 8, 2019
Messages
5,474
Reaction score
5,029
Location
Naperville, Il
Handicap
SingleMalt
I can cut wood just by looking at it.

It's true! I saw it with my own eyes. o_O
 

J.B. Cobb III

J.C. 3 Stix
Albatross 2020 Club Albatross 2021 Club
Joined
Oct 11, 2018
Messages
7,640
Reaction score
5,299
Location
Wilmywood
Handicap
28
I asked my wife for a audiobook for my birthday. She gave me an encyclopedia! That spoke volumes!
 

J.B. Cobb III

J.C. 3 Stix
Albatross 2020 Club Albatross 2021 Club
Joined
Oct 11, 2018
Messages
7,640
Reaction score
5,299
Location
Wilmywood
Handicap
28
My friend, Mark, stole my dictionary! I said, "Mark, my words!"
 

fairwaynut

Bettinardi Aficionado
Albatross 2020 Club Albatross 2021 Club
Joined
Aug 8, 2019
Messages
5,474
Reaction score
5,029
Location
Naperville, Il
Handicap
SingleMalt
A friend of mine told me he had been receiving threatening letters in the mail.

I asked him what kinda of letters they were and he told me, calendars.

That can mean only one thing. His days are numbered. :laughing:
 

buckeyewalt

Well-known member
Albatross 2020 Club
Joined
Aug 4, 2011
Messages
4,932
Reaction score
624
Location
Tennessee
Handicap
13
Guy goes over to his girlfriends house and he could tell she was crying. He said what's the matter honey....she looked at him and say people think I'm fat..what do you think??

The guy knew this was a no win question, but when she kept on pressing him he said...You're not fat...lets just say you're easier to see!
 

fairwaynut

Bettinardi Aficionado
Albatross 2020 Club Albatross 2021 Club
Joined
Aug 8, 2019
Messages
5,474
Reaction score
5,029
Location
Naperville, Il
Handicap
SingleMalt
Guy goes over to his girlfriends house and he could tell she was crying. He said what's the matter honey....she looked at him and say people think I'm fat..what do you think??

The guy knew this was a no win question, but when she kept on pressing him he said...You're not fat...lets just say you're easier to see!
Boy, is he a dead man. :laughing:
 

buckeyewalt

Well-known member
Albatross 2020 Club
Joined
Aug 4, 2011
Messages
4,932
Reaction score
624
Location
Tennessee
Handicap
13
Why do bees hum??

They don't remember the lyrics!
 

buckeyewalt

Well-known member
Albatross 2020 Club
Joined
Aug 4, 2011
Messages
4,932
Reaction score
624
Location
Tennessee
Handicap
13
I remember this Rodney joke: My wife and I in trying to be healthy, made an agreement that we would smoke only after sex. The only problem is that I'm down to a few cigarettes and she's up to 3 packs.
 
Last edited:

fairwaynut

Bettinardi Aficionado
Albatross 2020 Club Albatross 2021 Club
Joined
Aug 8, 2019
Messages
5,474
Reaction score
5,029
Location
Naperville, Il
Handicap
SingleMalt
What do a dog and a phone have in common?

They both have collar ID.
 

blueonblack

...tears on a river
Joined
Jun 22, 2020
Messages
3,059
Reaction score
1,386
Patient:
Doc, I'm a nervous wreck. My mind is racing. I can't relax.
I'm a wigwam. I'm a teepee. I'm a wigwam. I'm a teepee.

Doctor:
"Your problem is you're two tents."
 

Welcome to The Hackers Paradise

Don't just play golf, live it!

Register Log in
Top