The dad joke thread

fairwaynut

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What do you call a baby monkey?

A chimp of the old block. :p
 

Reframmellator

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It took Elmer Fudd to crack Forrest Gump's password, which is 1Forrest1.
 

Snickerdog

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How do you prevent 3 putts?


Make the first one.
 

J.B. Cobb III

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Everyone knows who Karl Marx is, but many people don’t realize that his sister is famous too! Marx’s sister, Onya, invented the starter’s pistol!
 

fairwaynut

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What do you call anxious dinosaurs?

Nervous Rex.
 

J.B. Cobb III

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I wanted to name my son Lance, but my wife said it was too uncommon.
I told her that in medieval days, people were named Lance a lot.
 

J.B. Cobb III

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3 years ago I married my best friend...
My girlfriend was angry but Dave and me thought it was hilarious!
 

fairwaynut

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Can't remember who told me this, but someone mentioned to me that when you have to vacum the rugs, it really sucks!!!
 

J.B. Cobb III

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People overcome adversity all the time... Look at Beethoven. They told him he was deaf! But, did he listen?!
 

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I asked the bank teller if they offered interest free banking.

She said, "Who cares!"
 

tomcat

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I was watching an Australian cooking show the other day. The chef was making meringue, and once he finished, the audience all started cheering.

I thought it was strange since Australians normally boo meringue.
 

fairwaynut

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My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.

So I had to put my foot down.
 

RayG

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Saw a report that humans eat more bananas than monkeys... I thought, “yeah, I haven’t seen a human eating a monkey.”
 

ttucliffhanger

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What did the fried rice say to the shrimp?

Don’t wok away from me!
 

ttucliffhanger

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What’s the most crunk place to go the bathroom?

the Lil Jon
 

ttucliffhanger

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What kind of sneakers do chickens wear?

ree-bawks!!
 

fairwaynut

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What has more lives than a cat?

A frog because it croaks every night.
 

J.B. Cobb III

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Nobody in Antarctica has COVID-19! Maybe it’s because they’re ice-olated?
 

fairwaynut

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I heard about a guy who once farted on a elevator.

It was said he was rude on so many levels. :laughing:
 

Reframmellator

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Last night, I watched an interesting 1950s documentary on Olympic track and field judges, narrated by Ed Herlihy. The opening line hooked me:

"These are the souls that time men's tries."
 

fairwaynut

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A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar and ask for a drink

The bartender says, "OK, but I don't want you starting anything in here."
 

Reframmellator

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A guy walks into a bar and says, "Give me a Corona and a couple of Hurricanes."

The bartender says, "That'll be 2020."
 

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